#rutgers

"Satyrs make it easy. And Masey made it real clear that, you know, it was just that. And that's true to how she is, right?"

"Sure."

"I respect that. Clear expectations, no confusion."

"Yes. Because she's not confused. But...I think you are."

"How? I've been thinking about this plenty."

"Because you're trying to make yourself feel a certain way, rather than deal with the way you really feel."

Brow.

"And how do you think I 'actually' feel?"

She brows right back. "If you have to keep telling yourself what you don't need, chances are it's something you want."

"Yeah, well, that's normal to want because, like I said, I'm not ace."

"That's... right? So, fine, I have hormones and I'm not made out of stone and I find people attractive. That's normal."

She doesn't point out that Dagmar never said anything specifically about not being ace. "Of course, it's normal. I'm saying that you have every right to act on that attraction. And you have every right to expect to find love, Dagmar. Because I'm pretty sure you're going to, if you let yourself try."

"Well, nobody finds the love of their life at college, anyways."

It's not exactly a real answer, but she couldn't not say anything. She keeps her eyes on her mug, not Sylvi.

She shrugs. "I dunno. But...people get some practice in."

"Right, well."

"Guess it can't go worse than Colton."

A blink. "What?"

She tenses. "I mean - getting practice, dating, can't... Colton, bringing you up to his date?"

"Sorry."

"Oh!" Realization, and a blush. "Yeah. No, no need to be sorry, I just...I didn't know what you meant, exactly." A sigh. "Look...all the adults we love in our lives -- our parents, for example -- they've been through some crap, but eventually they found somebody to love, right?"

A small and wistful tone. "Yeah."

"So...why are you so sure you can't, or won't?"

"I'm not them."

"No. You're you. And you're pretty damn cool. Warts and all."

Snort. "You're biased."

That, though, is a bit more upbeat. Sylvi's her friend.

"I'm also right."

"Now that sounds like Sylvi."

"I'm sorry for just... spewing all this at you."

"I asked you to," she reminds.

"Mm."

"Listen...we're in college. We're going to screw up. It's inevitable. So...let explore the stuff we want to explore while we're screwing up, okay?"

"Right. Like satyr parties."

"Right! And if we decide we want to leave, we leave," she reminds.

"Right."

"And who knows? Maybe at satyr parties they just sit around and play bridge."

Snort!

"Yeah, okay, not likely."

"Well, strip bridge..."

A grimace. "I'm a goner. I don't know how to play bridge, even clothed."

"You should see Tove, she knows all the games, even euchre."

A grin. "I don't know if we should ask her to teach us so we can play strip versions with satyrs."

"No, probably not. But the idea of strip euchre is hilarious."

"It is!" she says with a laugh.

"Masey reminds me a lot of Lupe's friend Lulu."

"Huh. Yeah, I can see that."

"Did you meet her? I couldn't remember." Wistful sigh.

"Talk about attractive."

A grin. "Briefly. And yeah, that's another one who had her eye on you. You make girls work for it."