#fenixtj

"I will. But I spoke with Jonas."

"And? " Guarded "What..what did he tell you?"

"He thinks you are concerned about what Dad will say. About the Autumn Person."

"Of course that's what he notices" She says "I killed a mortal, Jessica. he was a slaver and a body guard for slavers... but I killed him just the same. Arranged his death, made it look like an accident. Fuck honor, fuck the son of Adam's 'chance for being reformed', fuck the code of .w.ell any code really. Dad's going to look at me like I suddenly ... he's going to hate me"

"Siv. Open the door. Let's talk."

"Sis you are about the ONLY woman it might be safe to talk to now... and even then I don't want you near me..for your own.. just.. no. I'm not.. there's a lot going on here"

"Open the door, Siv."

"Damn it" The door opens

Jess stands near the doorframe. "I'm not asking to come in. Just not shout through the door. Ok?"

"Wow. You look rough, Siv."

She looks feverish "I'm not injured." A hiss "And Dad IS going to hate me..."

"So?"

"Siv, why did you do this? All this? Why are you here on this mission?"

"SO? What the fu-" She clamps down on something

Then she says "I was disguised as an Unseelie Pooka helping white slavers, sis. I thought they told you the stories by now that someone? Fine... HUGE chain of white slavers.. the chain of it uses TJ as a starting point from outside the US... and then pipes folks through all Concordia.. mortals smuggled, but fae minds behind it."

She nods. "We've encountered it. That's why I was interested in being part of destroying it."

"Oh right.. the heir and.. shit" She's cursing a bit more freely. "I'm very good at spying, sis. For a troll I'm down right amazing. Vali might joke about his childling years, but I'm.. I'm good at it. And we needed a spy more than a warrior.. to get the intell out... to prepare their down fall. I was by Tantalus' right hand for ..god it feels like weeks. The shit i saw... had to watch. Then to add to it the autumn person... I killed him because he would have exposed me eventually. And then it would have all broken apart and shifted before the others could move. I didn't mean to leave you out.. I had my mission"

Jessica nods.

"Piper isnt' going to understand why I shoved her out... say what you want to her, but keep her away from me. For her own good. And don't send any female servants to this door."

"Wh.... lingering magics?"

"I drew on what glamour I could to keep the ruse up... " Siv laughs but it's bitter "And Tantalus and his ring ... oh my. Tell me, Sister? You see Piper, what do you see? What do you THINK of her?"

Jessica is nonplussed. "She's... she seems nice enough. Little."

"Yeah.. she's a friend. I like her. She's kind and warm and funny...but right now ? JUST Now? I had to fight very hard to say what I was ..the images, the way of thinking in my head. I almost called her a WHORE you know? Sliding up to those guards, luring them into their death? I almost called her a whore or worse.. and there are worse things... I look at her and I see a tender bit of meat meant for use. Oh..Tantalus.. I thought me being a henchwoman, he'd try to get in my pants... use his magic on me to make me lust for him. And he did try once.. troll will though.. strong. I resisted.. then the game changed.. and I saw... I got a voyeur's eye seat to his world view... he let me watch as he worked this woman and that woman ..and had them tackle each other like the sluts he'd wanted them to be. I look at other women right now and I burn with desire, but it's like wanting a drug, a THING.. not people. I .." Her eyes shine "I'm very sick, sister. I am not fit company, not SAFE for any woman"

"Bedlam?" softly.

"God you are a dumb cunt" She snaps "I just said I spent time around an autumn person didn't I? That I was STARVING myself to keep the spell up... it's not bedlam... it's diet, it's...what I have in me... it .. " A pained look "Just go please"

"If I was like this, would you leave me?"

A pause "yes." Then "No. " A frustrated look "I don't know. But sis, I am not .. I am so full of this mix of lust and hate for women... I see them as objects... every woman I've seen in this place I see as such a lovely slice meant to bring me pleasure, or profit. Or maybe I'll just make them do things and laugh as they grow addicted to whatever I make thier new life style? That... "

A sigh "You should stay away because you CAN'T help"

Jessic thinks, serious and concerned.

"I am fucked up. I am twisted and I am.. a killer on top of it. Mom and Dad wouldn't want me back... House Fiona doesn't want THIS it's a violation of love.. and I am.. I USED Jonas... just to try to 'straighten' me out. I liked the sex...he's a man, I can respect men. But other women.. I am a trairtor to my own sex with every glance at them. Nothing heatlthy in HOW I would have used Piper"

"Panda."

"PandaS." she corrects.

"Wait, the chubby leaf munchers in zoos that look like fat racoons in monorcolor?"

"Yes. Maybe spend some time as pandas?"

"I realize they're an endangered species but I do not wish to BREED the next generation you stu- " And she bites down again

"I'm not suggesting that!" Alarm vs. upset. "They're endangered -because- they don't breed well. They're just.... not interested. Or so I read."

"I..oh.. I don't know sis, I dont' actually THINK I'm a panda when I'm a panda you see?"

"-Could- you? You weren't actually a snake pooka or on Tantalus's side, either. You pretended to be."

"Sis. I KNOW Metamorphasis better than you.." A bit of a sneer then she checks it "IT would not work"

"Ok. Do you think this urge will wear off?"

"Sis.. I don't know if it will ever wear off.. if it's .. it maybe I've been bending so long I can't ...undo it. I don't know"

Jessica nods, still thinking. "I'm going to ask around about this kind of thing. Maybe work with Jonas. Does he know?"

"NO!" And a stop "No do not ask around do not pry for.. do you think I want this KNOWN?"

She blinks. "I'm not going to mention you, Siv. But you have to know more."

"Then leave me to it.. I have sources, contacts"

"Are you using them?"

"I was taking a day to rest.. as ordered" Glare

Jess nods. "If you need to get started, that's ok too, Siv. Is there anything you need?"

"Space.. and your silence.. and.." A pause "I May need accdess to your study but to myself. I don't want ot call Constance a doxy who'd spread for the right book"

Jess nods. "I can arrange for that. Or, get what you want myself and bring it to you here. Or wherever."