#rutgers

She takes a sip, then gives a pained look. "He told her that his ex-girlfriend could give her makeup tips."

A groan.

A toast to the absent Colton with her coffee mug.

"We talked it out. He knows he's got my permission, in no uncertain terms, to do dating right."

"And you are okay with it?"

She takes a deep breath and lets it out. "I mean...I'm seeing other people, and I want to be fair. I might not want to hear about the details...but it really makes me feel kind of...I dunno...boxed in? when he talks about how he's messing things up because he keeps thinking of me."

"Like...I don't like the pressure. And he doesn't mean to be pressuring me. It's just...the reality of the situation."

"I mean, sure, you broke it off, but..." A shrug. "It's one thing to do that, and another to see them with someone else."

"It might be harder than you think."

A huff. "It's hard either way. I don't want to pretend I'm ready to commit permanently when I'm not. But yeah, not going to deny that I avoid thinking about him dating too much, because I can feel the little jealous spark starting. But...ugh...I suck. I get jealous of somebody else getting the attention that I was getting, even if I agreed with breaking it off."

She shrugs. "It's still a kind of rejection, and rejection is hard."

"And you don't like being boxed in, but you DO like attention, no offense."

"Oh, I'm not going to deny it. I do." That blush is back and she sips her coffee.

"And you can want someone to be happy, because you do care about them... but it can still hurt, seeing them happy without you."

"Maybe if you find some guys, it'll be better? Keep you getting attention, even if it's not serious?"

Sylvi gives her a grateful look. "You get it. Thanks. And...I've had a couple of nice, um, encounters. But I am ready to get back on the dancefloor."

"Right, so - satyr party room."

"And I can make sure there's no predators, right?"

"You can. You can also, y'know, enjoy yourself, too?"

"I... I guess, maybe."

"Samhain's kind of blurry, to be honest."

"But. Um. It was fun?"

"Well, yeah. It's blurry for me, too. But yeah. Samhain was fun for me, too. But that was a couple of months ago, now."

She shrugs again, rubbing the back of her neck.

"I'm not... I dunno."

Sylvi waits, giving her space to form her thoughts.

"I'm not really good at that stuff."

"And I guess I know how it's gonna go, so it doesn't seem... smart... to go chasing it, I guess."

"Well...like you said...satyrs help break the ice. But...wait, Dagmar...how do you think it's going to end?"

She shrugs.

Brow furrow. "No, really."

"Just.. you know. I mean, I can be good for now? And unseelie, maybe.. maybe unseelie, just having the moment's okay."

"But...?"

"But when they find someone better, it's... hard, I guess. Gwydions aren't supposed to be afraid of the truth."

A blink. "Dagmar...'someone better' how?"

"You know, better. Not so... hard, I guess."

A frown. "Hard people find lasting relationships, too. I mean...look at the Chieftain. Heck, look at my Dad!"

"And satyr parties are great, because like, I don't start getting hung up on that and I can just be what's there right-now, and I'm good enough for, you know, right now?"

That bit makes her grin. "That part I totally get."

"You and I might need to be careful not to become satyr groupies," she adds with a smirk.

"I mean, satyrs are at least clear with what's up."

"But...to be real...and you can Gwyd-check me on this...I think you're totally loveable. And a bad ass."

A tight smile. "I have good friends, yeah."

"Yeah, and you better never forget that. BUT...that's not what I mean. I mean...I think there's not a damn thing about you that would prevent you having the kind of relationship you want, long term."

She frowns before she can hide it.

"I think there's a lot."

"If there is, I don't see it."

"People deserve someone that doesn't have baggage. Especially like mine. They want someone who doesn't act immature when it comes to... relationship stuff... who can be fun, who can be easy about things."

A blink. "Dagmar...everybody has baggage. And yeah, yours is pretty substantial, like a steamer trunk. But that doesn't mean you don't have anything to offer somebody. So...why would you deny the parts that you can offer if there's somebody who doesn't mind the luggage?"

"I mean, you don't owe yourself to anybody who's interested, but if you feel something, let them have a chance to feel something back."