#rivervale_lodge

"I'm not offended. I don't know that many other Gwydions, though."

"Might be nice."

"Well, you know The Chi..well, our former Chief. ANd you know Count Hemlock and... Tiara, though she's.. more Gwydion Affilated.. you know, you really don't meet that many Gwydions here do we?"

She seems surprised to let this sink in

"Huh. Well, it is a Lodge. Still, what nobles we do have are pretty spread even in various houses. No Balor or Leanhaun thank goodness"

"Chief is, yeah - pretty much everything I know about the house. I've talked to the Count maybe twice?"

A laugh. "I think as a fledge, I half expected to turn out Varich, what with Nadeen."

"I'm... actually not sure when I became a Gwydion. I was a Knight, though. Long time. Before the Shattering."

"Well, even if you weren't before I know Brekke would have invited you by now. You fit the mold too darn well. All we need around here is an Eiluned and a Dougal and we're set for the five original houses in the barony. Siv Fiona, you Gwyd, ANne Marie and Carowyn Liam" Amused "Wonder if I can steal Wudlig from Silver Wolf full time, technically his Bannerhouse is under Dougal"

"I mean, you're halfway to Eiluned, bein' a witch." A pause. "I'm glad you're not, though. I can't read them the same, and so I always feel a bit off-balance. Like I'm playing at a disadvantage."

"Lot of Gwydions are like that. Eiluned aren't evil, well, some of them are, but most are just comfortable in the gray, kind of like Symon actually. Some of my best friends have been Eiluned. But no, I've no interest in joining a Noble House"

Then a beat "Wait, did you just say you're glad I'm not Eiluned because you like catching me when I lie?" Troll brow, but not too offended

Blink.

"I mean, not like that."

"I mean, Pooka lie all the time? And I like Pooka plenty, even if I get a headache."

A chuckle escapes her

"I just... I dunno, most of my interactiosn with eiluned, I feel like they're trying to get one over on me. Evaric seemed okay, though. So that's something."

"Well, you and Symon saved his life. If he's Seelie he definitely feels a sense of debt there, and would likely be fond of you compartively. He's a landless baron though so I can see why we'd keep our guard up. I mean, I LIKE Nadeen, but remember how she used to sniff after any hold that looked like it might be in need of new management?"

"Oh yeah."

"Well, Rivervale is damn secure. Will be for a long time." Brow furrow. "You think any Chief'll have to be a Baron? I know they did it for Kerri, which she wasn't exactly thrilled about."

"And I think Chief - Brekke - wasn't a Baroness before the Lodge, either. She started as a Knight, too."

"Like me an Nadeen, actually - sworn to Hemlock from Before."

"I think she already is? It was done quiet like? " Unsure now

"Yeah, I dunno. Feels different than a sidhe hold."

"Oh definitely is" She nods "Rivervale is going through a few changes, but it's till a LODGE to the core" A grin

"Exactly." A huff, stubborn and proud.

"You ever just sit by the fire and let your mind wander as you Ken? The feel here is very different from other freeholds. The farm's fire is ..homey and it is like almost obnoxiously spring like, growth amid the briar ... Goldfinch is weak but feisty... Earth Runes is passionate and oddly coy, and Rivervale is..well, you know. "

"Home."

A pause. "Maybe that's why I feel bad?"

"What, because you WANT to step out of Rivervale more ?"

"You shouldn't feel bad about that" She goes on "You want to go out, learn more about yourself and the world, but Rivervale will still be your home if you want it to be. And you'll take all you learned and did and share it with us. Olgar for a long time was almost NEVER at Rivervale , always on the trods. Did he betray Rivervale by roving? No. It's the same thing"

"Maybe. I mean, for a long time, this was everything I wanted. Everything I ever hoped to dream of, y'know?"

"Sounds kinda bratty to be 'welllll, now I feel stuck,' right?"

"mmm" She ponders this after a long think

A gusty sigh. "Sorry."

"So, Sam grew up in hell with a junkie mom, foster homes varying from nightmare to merely survivable, and a superhuge case of self loathing, so ANY real home was paradise compared to that, one where she was welcomed. You remembered you were Dagmar and BOOM.. here you came out with fists up ready for someone to come at you. To your surprise, you were welcomed with love and found the home, the FAMILY you always wanted. OF COURSE you'd be grateful. Jaymes loves you, and Tove fought hard to win you over and loves you too. So it wasn't just your prize, you know? But if you feel stuck, even in a happy place, you feel stuck. That's not a failing in you or them, it's just what it is. Maybe Rutgers was a catalyst. You didn't liike it at first but now you are into it, you got your Symon, and a few friends there. And if I recall many elders PUSHED you to get a college degree. So in a sense you were doing your duty there too. But you've caught up and you want to stretch further. That's not Bratty, sounds more like wilder stuff. Don't take me wrong, but in some ways you've always been a year or two behind the usual path. Remember Siv a few years ago? Wanted to hit the seas, learn more about who she was? "

"I just... I wanna do stuff. Big stuff. And I don't even know what it is, exactly?"

"And she is the first to admit she was delicate then.. when she thought her parents were EXILING her she was deeply hurt. Because that's totally different from being encouraged to go out. And then there's me. I had my emmisary moments, traveled, even adventured a bit... beecause I needed to figure out what kind of Witch I was and am. Then there's Sylvi, from heir apparent of the Lodge to suddenly defying it, to emmisary, to wiser and more accepting but still a leader, to Goldfinch president... she hasn't seceded from the Union just because she calls another hold hers more than Rivervale now. She's not a brat is she?"

"That's normal" She assures "You're a bit slower than some is all so you FEEL like it's just you. It's not."

"And I don't mean 'slow' like in smarts. You're plenty smart. You just started with less so it took you longer to get invested in the usual wilder stretch"

She rubs the back of her neck, blushing.

"Not wrong. Feel like I'm a few steps behind often enough."

Neither girl sees Vali peek through a window. Neither sees him evaluate if he should go out and join them or not, and neither seems him decide that the two girls are working out whatever it is on their own. NEither sees the pride in his eyes, and he steps back and leaves them be. Neither will realize that hot cocoa is being made for them .. just yet.

"I think we're so used to your heroics, that we forget heroism is but a small part of our lives and you got cheated of a lot of the small wonders, the little growths and tiny quests of just seeing and going out. Look, I don't know what you're missing, but I do know there is absolutely no shame in trying to learn what that is. We're not cattle to be fed and milked, cared for and then providing. We're people and frankly you would make a very fussy bovine, sour milk after a time" A smile then a wince "Oh dear god, My Uncle has ruined me. I'm gonna blame him for that metaphor, but" She holds up a finger "The point stands. You feel a bit behind? No shame in picking up your pace and seeing what you discover. I think the Emmisary stuff might be quite good for you, and you should also tell the Mountain what you want and don't want for an assignment if you have options. You don't want another lodge. You want to go to a place that has Gwydions. And any other WANT you have figured out. If he can't provide that on his list, he'll let you know. "

A small smile. "Thanks, Gerd."

Snort. "Fussy bovine."

"Oh I'd be mooing right there with you in this scenario, but again, I blame Uncle Vali. He's got his wisdom, but if he thought he could get away with it, he'd tell his aesops with hand puppets" then she adds, "You're welcome, Dagmar. And thanks for not thinking I was neurotic over the whole Hearth question"

The smell of hot chocolate somehow makes it into the cold air of the early winter

Sniff. "Oh, you smell that?"

"I think you'll make a great Hearth. You're easy to talk to."