#rivervale_lodge

"Maybe."

"But... I mean, I dumped him."

"The two of you broke up. He made you say it, but...he didn't disagree, did he?"

"He didn't."

"Of course he didn't. He wanted out, too."

She frowns. "Dagmar...if it wasn't working, that's because of both of you, not just him and not just you. You're acting like you did something wrong."

"Well, he didn't."

"Neither did you."

"Yes, I did."

"What?"

"I didn't act right."

"Like, I mean, kissing was okay? But I wasn't... I wasn't eager enough or easy enough?"

"And I didn't want to go further, and when I told him I would if he wanted somehow that was wrong too?"

"Okay, enough is a...really bad word here. How come you're letting him decide what enough is?"

"Well, yeah...that's wrong, because it's not you. And he wanted you, but he couldn't get you because if he did get that, then it wouldn't still be you. Frustrating, but that's the way it is."

"It's because I'm messed up."

"But...okay, but...'messed up' doesn't mean you're doing anything 'wrong'...you're just being you. And he wasn't a good match for you."

"I guess."

"Don't think anybody could be."

"Like... would it be fair?"

"Fair?"

She closes her eyes. "Some days I just feel buried. And I shouldn't. I know how good I have it."

Sylvi blinks at her.

"Fair - ain't fair to ask anybody to deal with my issues."

"Dagmar...look, it's not for me to talk about this, but I'm going to. Think about my dad, his face. And think about Uncle Frank being a Liam. And think about how the Chieftain gets every Samhain. This Lodge is chock full of issues...but they found people that love them like they are."

"..yeah.."

"So...you guys didn't work as a romantic couple. It sucks because you really like him, and he really likes you, but you don't work as a couple. Now you've gotta talk more to figure out how you're going to be friends. Because otherwise it's just going to be crazy awkward here."

"I don't want to talk to him."

"No. But...you should. You know you should." She looks apologetic...and a bit thoughtful.

"I know I should."

"Maybe.. maybe I just want to be allowed to be hurt by this."

"Like...like he did something wrong, and you can be angry at him for it?"

"But he didn't, and I can't be angry, but I hurt anyways..."

"And so the only person to be mad at is myself, right?"

A deep breath. "Yeah, I get it. I wish...I wish I could make it hurt less."

"It's stupid."

"Maybe. But I get it." A pause. "I do it, too."

"You do?"

A wry look. "Spencer, remember? I got...really freaked out about him at the gloaming. And...I haven't spoken to him since then." A confession.

"Yeah? Because it's hard?"

A sigh. "Yeah. And...I can get away with it. I don't have to work with him."

"But...I should go talk to him. See if...if we can be friends."

Grunt.

"What if...you and I agree that we'll both do it? I try to make things right with Spencer...and you try with Adam? It'll probably take a while...."

"I don't know how."

Wry. "Me neither."

A faint rap at the door.

"I mean...I think I need to say that I want to be friends, if we can be...and then we try to figure out how to do it."

Sylvi blinks, then gets up to answer the door.

She tugs at her cuffs, waiting.