#bergen_county

"That's not a bad idea... " Nadeen says "And have you told Jack you'd like to do other things besides the garden now and then?"

"He LIKES the plants. I like them okay, but he likes them more. So I just go play... but it's okay, now I have all sorts of stuff with my Knight." Proud.

Nadeen nods. And make a mental note to talk to Jack behind the pooka's back. Sidhe treachery

He shuffles his feet a little. "Dame Dagmar? Is there more chores I can do? To help? Not to help you... but to just.. to help?"

"Are you bored?" Nadeen says curiously

He hesitates, and his head ducks a bit. Not meeting her gaze. "Just bored."

"Not just bored. Connor, are you worried you're not doing enough to be worthy of being a ssquire?

"Well... I mean, you don't have to do stuff all the time Connor.."

"You need time to be Connor."

He ducks his head and mumbles something.

"Kiddo?" Gently.

He looks back up, and is all smiles. "I just like helping, is all."

A brow at something, then "In point of fact, Dagmar's armor could use a polish I suspect. MINE is shiney"

"Oh, I know how to do that!" And he runs to fetch the polishing cloths, and the oil, and the little sandpaper bits for rust spots, and is a few minutes in gathering.

Furrow.

Nadeen bumps her lightly "Play along" She whispers to Dagmar "I don't know what's bothering him but something is"

Connor huffs and puffs as he returns lugging enough supplies to polish half a battalion. "Do you think the Chief needs someone to polish her armor too? She doesn't have a squire. But maybe she likes to do it herself."

"Well... you would have to ask the chief that one."

"I... I do think polishing is a traditional squire job."

"It is" A nod "And a sign of trust, for the knight is entrusting the squire with an item of great value, not just wealth wise, but something that might save their life"

"Yeah?"

His ears droop. "She doesn't, though."

A confused look "Pardon?"

"What?"

"The chief doesn't trust me anymore." He says, matter of factly, as he wipes at a smudge on one of Dagmar's greaves.

"If so, trust can be re-earned" Nadeen says

"All I am good at is chores, so I'm trying to do lots. Because then maybe she'll be less busy and can do important stuff. But my Knight's duty comes first." He adds quickly, in case they are worried. "But How many sweeps does trust cost? How many dishes and how many weeds? I don't know."

Furrow!

"Okay, so, we need to fix things."

"You don't get to be a squire if you aren't trusted, for one."

"You're good for lots more than chores, for two."

"My Knight trusts me." A wag of his tail. "But I would like everyone to."

"It sucks, when you've screwed up and hurt folks. I've done it before. And I remember - remember, hell, sometimes it still happens... I get so scared when I screw up that that's going to be the last thing, the thing that makes everybody not want me."

"Well, I'm a suspicious unseelie sidhe, I don't trust anyone so it's not just you" She says matter of factly

"Specially the Chief. She got -awful- mad. And she said I could be your squire... but I think don't think she... she's not HAPPY with me." It's obvious that this hurts him, one who so desperately thrives on approval.

"She wasn't happy - she was scared, and worried, and disappointed that you did something you knew wasn't right."

"Like... you told yourself a story to make it seem okay, yeah?"

"I thought it was a good one at the time. But it wasn't." His tail drooped. "You didn't hear her though. She was SO mad. I've never heard her that angry, not even at... at bad guys."

"Sometimes.... sometimes, emotions get the better of people, even the Chief. Sometimes being scared or sad can sound angry."

"Bad guys can't hurt us the way loved ones can" The Varich says

And she looks distant

"And yeah, sometimes being hurt sounds angry, too."

"She was mad too. Because I was selfish. And made it hard on everyone when there was IMPORTANT stuff to do. I know sad, and I know mad. And I know bad, and I was -bad-. But I want to try to make it better. I DO."

"But the Chief wants you here - not just here, as a squire or here at the Barn. You're part of Rivervale. We love you and want you here. That doesn't change, just because of one thing."

"I know." He scuffs a foot, and he does know, no lie there. "But I don't want her to think I'm... I want her to like me, again."

"Why Dame Kerri and the Chief even fought to keep ME here" Nadeen says

"You were bad, and now you will try to be better, and try not to do that again. Exactly."

Furrow. "Correction. You did something bad. You, Connor, aren't bad."

"A very important distinction" agreement

"Like... like, shit, a lot of the time I feel.... like... I know how it is to feel like you're bad, and worthless, and people have to be crazy to care about you."