#scarsdale

"I just... you ever wish you could stop feeling anything?"

he considers, "No, I guess not. I ..wish I could CONTROL what I feel, but being undone scared me and even then I still had my mortal side.... being shut off completely is kind of terrifying," He admits, "I can understand not wanting to hurt, but not sure if not knowing any joy would be worth the price. Heck, even the fear is better than nothing. At least it lets me know I'm worth preserving. You?"

"If.... if I didn't... if I could shut off wanting things, maybe?"

"I'm not sure, " Earl admits, "I think it's good for us to want things. Sometimes. It...keeps us moving forward, even if sometimes our feet hurt. But you know it's okay to rest? to wait for the good things to come along?" A deep breath, "take us. We've.. actually been on a date. And I loved it, but before I was all wanting so much I thought I'd go crazy. But patience brought good things. Your company." A smile , eyes earnest

"But it's not just feet. I read somewhere, if you don't want anything, then you wouldn't suffer. Then, sometimes, I wonder if I -want- to suffer..."

"I think that's Buddhist, but not sure," At the thing she read, "And... I don't think you want to suffer so much as you want to ..." A breathe, "Zara, I don't know you as well as some I guess, but I think you love to reach. It's how you learn. You're a star chaser, Zara. There's an old phrase, 'A man's reach should exceed his grasp, or else what's a heaven for?' I don't think you want to suffer. I think you want to dream of what might be next... you have a questing soul, and I don't mean hitting silver trods or chasing hydra. You want to know, to see, and sometimes when the star you're wishing on feels too out of reach or even walled off, it hurts you. I think that's when you almost wish you would stop chasing stars, but then...maybe you wouldn't be Zara anymore? And I guess I'm selfish because I like this world better with you in it."

"Because you're a romance-addled dreamer." said... gently, with affection at odds with what could be an insult.

A grin, sheepish, but a grin

"Artists see beauty in places that others don't."

"But the beauty is real for all that," He says, a stubborn tilt of his chin

Her cheeks flush. "Um." A fluttery glance at the troll, before she tucks back an errant lock of hair. "So. Um. Wayfare!"

"Wayfare, you'd be good at it, it's a natural art for evading," A light tease, but a smile too, "Yeah. I... wanted to be able to help others get out of tight places. Wayfare might be a way to help them if it ever came up again. You know?"

"Yes. You know... I... I know, it's... there's so many of them still there."

"Yeah," He says, "I still feel guilty about it sometimes."

Earl stares into his tea

"I want to stop them. Getting her... I mean, yes... but I don't like that they're still out there."

"It's going to take some training I think, " A frown, "I mean, I think I made the right choices, but even if I did, those choices didn't help a lot of folks did they?"

"And allies. Maybe sidhe."

"We stop them, maybe she wouldn't be so afraid...."

"yeah," He says, soft thoughtful, and that look of guilt remains

"But you saved her. You and Hirim."

She closes her eyes, expression bittersweet. "And she's wonderful, you know?"

"She is?" He looks up, hopeful, "I mean, so it's not just memory loss and misery? "

"No. She's... oh, Earl, she's smart. Even forgotten, she's a nocker - always poking at things, seeing how they work."

"And she likes Jane Austen!"

"Okay, I feel bad for stereotyping, but I did not expect the Jane Austen part," He brightens a bit more, "She looks books? You shown her your collection?"

"We've been reading together. And doing jigsaw puzzles."

"It's... there's moments, glimpses... like trying to catch stardust, maybe, but I can see who she was."

"Then you are helping," He says, "And I think you're good for her."

"So long as she doesn't know who I am, yes." a huff - there's the bitter frustration, the counter to the sweet.

"Yeah, I can see why that would set you stewing," A pause, "Maybe think of it as hiding? I don't know if there's some inborn enjoyment sluagh get from that? But if there is it might ease that frustration you're feeling."

"I want to hide. They say be patient, to wait, but... but it's... I want to tell her, but I also... if I tell her, and she... if she..." she shakes her head.

"If you do tell her and she cracks, it'll feel like your fault. If you don't tell her and she doesn't get better, that feels like your fault to. And they can make all the choices they want to for her and for you, but it doesn't stop the pressure." He states

"I can't tell her. I won't. I said I wouldn't. But this isn't a secret that feels good to hold."

"Kind of cuts the more you have to squeeze it?" He tilts his head, "Like barbs?"

"Yes. And it... grows."

"I'm sorry," he puts a hand over hers , not so much taking it, but more providing a bit of brief cover and contact, "I know...it isn't the same, but if you want to tell me more about it ...any time, I'll lilsten. I'll share what I can of the load."

"I'm sorry. I know you have... a lot, too. Right now."

Suddenly wry, lightening. "We're a pair, aren't we?"

At that, a weak smile does return, "The sluagh girl in a nocker world and the wimpy troll with sluagh blood?"

"Not wimpy. No. Noble, and brave, and with clear eyes and a soul like the sky."

It's HIS turn to blush, light lavender, "zaara..."

"Yes. The sky. Changeable, with moods, but... so great and sweeping, too. Painted with light."

He blushes more, "And you think I'm the romantic?"

"Obviously, yes." A smile - briefly breaking to show a flash of black gums before she corrects to a more demure closed-mouth one.

Those clear eyes sparkle with delight at her smile, "Well, I think I might not be alone. And I'm glad of that," a more contented sigh.