#scarsdale

*Dramatic organ music as we tune in, once again, to... As Scarsdale Turns....*

*When we last joined our story, Zara had just said....*

"I know my nature. And better, perhaps, to not pretend otherwise." Dark eyes flick to both of the Uncles in turn, nearly defiant.

The others in the room share a round of looks again. Hirim, looking sour, shrugs and looks away. Ratchet nods. "Ok. You understand.... could be intense, maybe not so pretty?"

"I'm not a childling. And... " she pauses, frowning. "And... how much have we benefitted from all of the secrets and lies? I am involved in this. I... I'm not.... I know, you think you are protecting me."

Hirim snorts but Hannah answers. "You've been a ch... childling... here, most of your life. And you are younger than us, with less experience. In some things." She's speaking reasonably. "What we are doing here, tonight, is inviting you into the decision. But it has to be what's best for Miriam, Zara."

"I know that. But lying is not best for her. And leaving me in ignorance... frankly? Won't happen. I will not allow myself to be left in the dark."

"Are you deaf? We are -not- 'leaving-you-in-ignor...'" Hirim is silenced by an elbow.

She glares back. "Look at what's happened before, hmm?"

Hiriam opens his mouth but then snaps it shut to glare his 'I told you so' at Ratchet while protecting his ribs with a hand.

"Say it. Fine. Say it, Hirim." A stubborn jut of her chin, anger serving as a sketchy cover for something much less secure.

"Zara, don't antagonize your Uncle." Aaron interjects calmly.

"I want him to say it." sets her jaw, it won't tremble, but her eyes are bright.

Hirim's lip curls and he settles back into a slouch, glaring indiscriminately around the room. It's his "Nope, shutting up." look.

"That you don't trust me, right? That.... that I shouldn't... shouldn't keep butting in to this, right? Getting between you and her?"

THAT causes everyone's jaws to drop and Hirim blinks myopically at her.

"That I'm so selfish, that I'd just tell her who I am because I want to."

Now he just looks stunned.

So does everyone else.

"I know I'm not... I'm not her, and I get it, she's back now and I shouldn't be making things worse..."

She takes a shuddery breath, nerves catching up to her runaway mouth. She fidgets and looks ready to bolt.

"Zara...." Hannah sounds sad. "...that's not fair."

"There's no comparison between the two of you; you and Miriam." Aaron says logically. "You are not in competition with each other."

She knots her hands together, lest they shake. "I know. I know. Don't make things worse. And I'm making them worse. I'm inconvenient. I'm a problem - that's what it is. C-causing trouble. M-m-maybe it would be better if I wasn't around, right? Best for her. She doesn't need some... some girl that doesn't make sense because she's eighteen and I'm fifteen and it's not... I can't tell her, and I know I can't tell her..."

"Zara, how long have you felt this way?" Ratchet asks.

"I knew Miriam was the one that mattered ever since I ate that stupid cookie."

Now Hirim looks pole-axed.

Ratchet sighs. "Zara...."

"Why would... what made you think that? You were creating, inventing, of course we were interested... but when it wore off, did we love you less? No."

"Did we treat you different? Or less? No."

"You have the real one now."

"And I've tried. I'm trying to... I thought I could just... I kn-know... you'll all do your duty. I know, I won't be... be.. kicked out to the streets or anything. "

Hannah and Aaron look baffled.

She swallows, looking miserable. "Sorry."

"Zara...." Ratchet sighs since Hirim seems incapable of speech. ".... don't know where you get these ideas."

She shrinks inwards, the last shreds of anger gone. "Sorry. Made things worse. Of course I did. I'll just... I'm sorry.... like... like the library, I figured it out. It was the skyline - the towers, right? My fault. And scaring her that night. And... and not letting Hirim help her up at dinner.. and... and the lace, that..."

"Zara, honey, we're all learning to do this. Even Hirim and Rachiman, Ratchet, sorry, they don't know every detail in this." Hannah pats her.

"All I do is make things harder. That's... that's why... because... b-because I... " falters, defeated. She doesn't give voice to the thoughts flickering behind her eyes.

"What is it, Bubalah?" Hannah rubs her angular back.

"I make things worse."

"No. You don't." Hirim rasps, out of patience. Ratchet puts a hand on his arm and takes over.

"Look Zara, we all know you're trying to do what's right, what's best, hm? So now we meet and we figure it out together. Ok, so ... maybe things could have been done different? So? That's always how it is; you can always do something differently."

"You treat me like a baby because I am one. Should grow up and shut up."

Ratchet speaks up quickly. "No one wants you to grow up, unless you are ready to."

Hirim pats Ratchet on the shoulder, stands, and limps for the door.

Her face scrunches up as Hirim rises to leave, shoulders curled inwards.

The others let him go.

And, when gone, they all seem to breathe a little easier.

Except Zara, eyes squeezed shut.

"Zara." Aaron says calmly. "What do you want? What will make this right?"