#rivervale_lodge

Kerri clears her throat. "My concern...is that Dagmar is so concerned about others getting what they want that she is reluctant to say what she wants."

"She does tend towards that," A frown "Dagmar, you... I thought I had a good plan. I really did, and do. But.. is my, does my plan, the one we talked about, not work for you?"

"It's... it's a really smart plan. And he's close by. And he seems.. I mean... aside from Connor, he seems good to his people."

"He's a good choice."

"M-maybe I could stay here?"

Kerri gives a bit of a sad grin but doesn't say anything.

"And he does provide material support for Connor."

"Of course you can," Nadeen says and moves from the table to hug her "Dagmar..you don't have to give up anything, not one thing for me . You do so much, and I .. I love you for all you do, but.. I never want to make you think I'm a chain to hold you from your happeiness"

A blush has hit the Varich's face

"And I wouldn't stop you from what you want. I can see all the reasons.... it's.. it's smart."

"Dagmar...." Quietly. "The logical decision is not always the right one."

"Not when it comes to relationships."

Nadeen looks back and forth to both

"But I know how it works..."

"Nadeen, I think what you're saying is very brave...but understand that it does look to Dagmar like she will have to give up one thing or another, on several fronts."

"I don't understand, if she lives here, and I marry the Baron but our marriage is..well, mostly political then.. she and I can be together, I visit now and then ...she visits us for the horses when she can ... but obviously when the squire is having other fun childling things.. and I...it's a good plan. And Aiden benefits as well"

Faintly. "Yeah."

"It's a good plan," Kerri allows. "But I don't think it measures up to her dreams." A look to Dagmar.

"What are your dreams, Dagmar? You. .you wanted that horse ranch where you could help kids. Adopt a lot. I thought this would help with that. But you..what else?"

"I do want that."

A bit of an eyebrow.

"Yes, but there's more and that's fine but I .. I am asking what that more is so I know how to.. how to help make it happen"

"I'm not a good girlfriend. I'm sorry."

"I just screwed things up because I can't act right."

A frown.

"Stop that." Nadeen says "It's not true"

"You are wonderful. And you know what? I'm apparently not the prize I thought I was either. We can't let 'never going to be perfect' destroy our search for self improvement or improvement as a couple. You are WONDERFUL."

"I screwed up, that's why Siv talked to me about how you were feeling hurt, and I don't want to hurt you, and it's my fault for not being so sure about things or getting worried..."

"And I don't want to hurt you and I don't want you to hate me."

At THAT she raises a brow

Kerri looks like she really wants to say something, but she waits.

"And, like, I don't... don't feel ready to be so sure about... about being together forever, but that doesn't mean I don't... don't like... I like you lots, and I know, in Arcadia, so I guess that means it's meant to be, and... and.. I know you... it..."

Then a breath and she takes Dagmar's hands in hers. Slender fingers taking larger hands in, "Dagmar. I don't want to hurt you either, but we can't let fear hold us in chains. And .. " A swallow "oh"

"but it's... I... like, I know I'm not enough, either.... I can't be enough...."

Kerri takes a deep breath and nods slightly.

then she nods "I have not been fair. Have I? A political arrangement seemed so simple to me, but it hurt you. Hurts you. And yet I expect YOu and I to be constant.... and Dagmar... this is not your failing. It's.. my ambition did this. I don't know if I can turn back on those ambitions but that' not YOUR fault or failing it's who I am. "

"You need a freehold. You're a Baroness."

"And you need someone who will love you wholy and complely and not have you on the side" her eyes threaten to water but she holds them in check "God I'm a selfish bitch"

She rubs her hands on her thighs. "I don't think I can do that with anybody, though. I get scared and I screw it up."

"Oh nonsense. One day you will find her or him... and he or she will see you how wonderful you are.. they'll see what I see, but not be held back by the same ambitions. They'll... know better than I do"

Kerri closes her eyes a moment. "Do you two want to be able to speak alone?"

"I dunno."

"I ..no. Please, Hearth. She trusts you and ..so do I. I just.. " A look at Dagmar "Dagmar, it's okay. We're not truehearts. And.. I think ...I don't know but it sounds like we're breaking up , but you are my friend. You hear me? Do you hear the truth of it?" True by the way "I am STILL your friend"

She looks up, watching Nadeen.

"Nadeen...maybe breaking up is too final for this moment. Maybe...taking a break?"

"Go on this quest with Symon. See if you can also find...some answers that you might remember. Then when we quest.. who knows..that might tell us more too. About where we're meant to be?"

A bite on her lip and a careful nod.

"I think...that sounds wise."

"I do have some role models of wisdom to learn from, hearth. Though I won't name names" Touch wryly, then a kiss on Dagmar's lips, just a peck "I love you. I'm sorry if I love my ambition more. We'll see. We'll learn. But never blame yourself for this. It's nonsense. "