#rivervale_lodge

"I don't want to go anywhere. Is that wrong?"

Kerri considers that. "Well...I guess the answer to that depends on why."

"I like it here."

She nods. "And we like that you're here."

She gets out some ingredients and starts measuring -- looks like the makings of bread this time. "Of course, that's rather selfish of us."

"Selfish? How?"

Measuring and mixing, Kerri says, "Well, you're a wilder of notable skills and strengths. Moreover, you've got a great heart and a heroic attitude. You have already helped a lot of people. And you've also grown a lot every time you help others, I think. It would be kind of selfish of us if we were the ones who got to benefit primarily from that help and your growth."

Brow furrow.

"But..." she adds. "That's for later. Not now."

"But I like it here. And I owe everybody so much, you know? I've never... never felt wanted, like, really wanted? "

Kerri turns and looks at her directly. "You know you are wanted here, Dagmar, right? Truly wanted, and truly valued."

She chews on a hangnail and nods.

She sighs. "This is a really difficult time, isn't it? That sense that you want to stay but you want to do things and maybe someday you won't be able to do both...." A deep breath. "I remember that."

"It's one of the worst parts of being a wilder."

She exhales. Kerri understands. "Yeah."

"The thing is..." A pause, and she turns back to mixing the bread dough. "The thing is that, if you don't consider options, you may lose the options to make your own decisions."

"And lose everything, anyways."

"Right?"

"Yes." A quiet, reflective tone. "Or..." more brightly "...lose much, but eventually find other things you never expected."

"I don't want things to change. I want stuff back to normal."

A wry grin. "Normal is a moving target, in my experience. What do you think of as 'normal'?"

"Um. Regular school. Sports."

Kerri nods. "I think much of the world mourning the fact that we don't have those things. I totally agree."

"I mean, new stuff can become normal."

"Like.. like CJ's normal. I wouldn't give him up. Or having a squire."

"Yes, that's true. And if I recall correctly, you were very nervous about both changes."

She nods. "I was."

"I mean, not just nervous. I think you almost gave yourself an ulcer about CJ."

"I was.. well.. yeah. I was scared, since he's.. y'know... but, like. Like, it worked out. How my parents feel about me didn't change."

A wry glance. "Can I get away with saying we-all-told-you-so?"

"Yeah, you can."

"Well, consider it said."

A nod towards the pastries. "You can have another if you want."

"But when you're there, it's hard to believe it. Sometimes, it's hard to believe how lucky I've been. That this is all real."

"Gonna try the weird berries." She declares.

A sigh. "I completely agree, it's difficult to see it when you're in the middle of it."

"You know, cut that one in half and leave the rest in case you don't like it."

"Smart, okay."

"Worst case, Snow'll eat it." She gets a knife.

"Does she eat many cooked foods? Mostly I've just learned to keep the fresh fruit locked away."

"She prefers fesh, but Snow wouldn't hurt any fruit's feelings by rejecting it. She's very generous, you see."

"Ha! Kind of her." She turns the dough out onto a board and starts kneading it. "Try not to stress too much about the coming changes. They might not be pleasant, but you are Dagmar, and you will keep being Dagmar even when you have to adjust to changes in your world."

She nods.

"Clem says I'm a role model."

"..It's weird."

"You really are, you know. I mean, heck, you've had songs written about you." Then she mutters, "Complimentary ones...."

"Tove and Torrin are really biased."

"Well, okay, true. I still think it was well-earned, but I get what you mean."

"I mean, it's still nice."

"I will be going on a quest soon. For Vali."