#rivervale_lodge

Kerri listens intently. "It doesn't sound dumb, but I want to make sure I understand. Are you saying that being intimate doesn't feel...comfortable? Natural? It's not wrong to let your body feel good, Dagmar, but if your body doesn't feel good, that's a different matter."

"I dunno. It's.. it's just a lot."

Kerri nods, but doesn't say anything, just makes space for her to continue.

"And it was weird when he'd be all.. like.. like nice, like... like he'd call me beautiful, and it wasn't a lie, because, y'know, I know.. but then he'd.. like... other girls were beautiful too? So maybe it's just... like... well, because I was there first, maybe..."

"And then if there's so many girls, and ones that don't... don't get weird or don't wanna do stuff or... I dunno... better girls.."

"There's many different kinds of beauty, Dagmar."

"I'm not pretty,"

A frown. "Not better. Different."

"Better." Stubbornly.

An eyebrow, a pause. "No. You're not pretty. At least, not traditionally 'pretty.'"

A sharp little inhale but sh nods.

"You're practical, and you have other priorities rather than appearance. So no...not traditionally 'pretty'...but Dagmar you have a beauty about you that I think you'll understand better when you're out of your teens. And I'm not talking about inner beauty, though you have that, too. You're lovely in a more mature way than most teen girls can manage...and many of them will become decidedly un-pretty as soon as they get past 28 years old."

She chews on her thumb, but nods.

"Also, I bet...if you're totally honest with yourself, which I know isn't easy...I bet there are times when you feel powerful and glorious and glad...and those are the times when your greatest beauty shines through."

A slow nod.

Kerri tries to get a better look at her face and grins slightly, coaxing.

A little smile back.

A little nod. "Now...you might have felt that way sometimes with Adam...but it sounds like it wasn't most of the time. It sounds like you were uncomfortable more than you were comfortable. Am I right?"

She nods.

"Not his fault. He... he was always so nice..."

"Not his fault," Kerri agrees. "Not yours either."

"But..." It's a weak objection.

"No. Nobody's fault. You just discovered that it wasn't a good match, it didn't make you comfortable, and that's fine. " A pause. "Were you kind when you broke up with him?"

"I.. hope so?"

"I wasn't planning to break up."

"But he.. I... he said I had to say it?"

"You tried to be."

Nods.

A slow nod. "That was a fair thing for him to ask. He and you both need to be clear about where you stand."

"He's much happier. He's with Piper now." Oh, there's a fat note of hurt.

A wry grin. "Stings, doesn't it?"

Jaw-jut. Nod.

"I knew he liked her. But it.."

"I dumped him."

Kerri nods. "But you would have liked him to...mourn a bit longer? Pine a while?"

"I guess."

"Not very... knightly, is it?"

"Why not? Part of being a knight is, sometimes, enduring disappointments. You wanted him to be incapable of even thinking of another woman for a least a little while. I get it. Been there, myself. Pre-Olgar," she clarifies. "You want to matter enough that your absence is felt, and felt hard. It's kind of a let-down when life does, indeed, go on."

"It's perfectly knightly to have your feelings a bit bruised."

"I guess."

"And he wants to be friends. And I want to..."

"It'll take some work. And it's important work to do. We have to find ways to live with each other, not hide from each other."

"Yeah..." Downbeat.

A pause, then gently, "Does Adam still want to train with you?"

She nods. "Well, he said he did."

"But, like.. he's been busy? And there's a lot... and I haven't been really... I've been busy. Horses and holidays and stuff...."

"Well...how about this...how about you tell him that you can start training him in...let's say March? So you get a bit of a break, some time to regroup, but a firm schedule of when to restart? A bit of time and distance sometimes helps."

"And Jaymes losing his job and then buying the store, and then Nadeen stuff, and Tove's getting so... it's just..."

Nail-nibble. "March? Maybe, yeah. Think he'd be okay with that?"

"It's a lot." She nods.