#rivervale_lodge

"I think you're making a wise choice there." Kerri nods approval and hands over a glass of cool water. "How're things?"

Grunt-shrug as she chugs the water.

Halfway through the glass, she comes up for air. "Okay, I guess."

"Yes? Things were pretty busy for a while there. I haven't really had a chance to check in, and you've managed to stop by for snacks while I'm out. C'mon, tell me what you're up to. School? Quests?"

"Well, it's not track yet. ANd basketball's over, so... just boring stuff at school."

"You're getting it done, though?" Kerri's working on a pile of dishes.

"Yeah. Gotta keep up my grades so I can play."

"Really, pretty quiet? Like... Nadeen's dad is all set up now... "

"Yes...." Her tone trails off a moment. "That was complicated, wasn't it?"

"Yeah. Still kinda.. like.. weird."

"And there's all the Thomases now."

Kerri nods, then gives a half-laugh. "I don't think any of us anticipated that. Adam's life does get more and more interesting."

Her mouth twists and she nods. "Yeah."

"Has he talked to you about it? Come to think of it...I haven't seen you training him lately..."

"... oh, yeah." Frown. "Gotta get back to it."

She worries at a cuticle.

Kerri turns to look at her. "You don't much want to, do you?" Gently.

Grunt-shrug. Frown. "Said I would."

"Well, yes. Duty matters. But situations change. There's nothing wrong with adjusting to new situations." A pause "Do you want me to speak to the Chieftain about it?"

Eyes wide and she shakes her head.

"Nuh-uh. I'll do it."

"I fucked up, but I... I'll make sure, okay?"

Kerri frowns with confusion. "How did you 'fuck up'?"

She frowns. "Like.. with Adam? It's my fault, I.. I dunno, made a mess of things."

Kerri, still frowning, shakes her head. "I'm not seeing it. Can you spell it out for me?" Genuine confusion.

"Um."

"Um."

"We.. he.. we were dating?"

"He asked. And.. I dunno... I said okay, but I probably shouldn't have?" She fidgets.

"Well, yes. I wasn't sure how that was going, but I hear you using the past tense."

"...I dumped him."

"Shouldn't have..." she echoes. "Because....?"

"I'm not a very good girlfriend."

A blink, and a slight lessening of the frown. "You dumped him." A nod.

"I don't know that there's only one way to be a good girlfriend, but what do you mean?"

She nods. "Yeah, see, so I can't... he didn't... like, it's all my junk that screwed everything up?"

"I can't do girlfriend stuff. Or not do it right, I said I would, even, but then that wasn't right either?"

She picks a pill-ball off her hoodie.

"Said you would...." Kerri coaxes gently.

"Said I'd do the stuff. But that didn't.. I mean, why's it matter if I wanna or not? I'd do it. But it hurt him that I didn't wana, and there's lot of other girls who want to do stuff, and it's not fair, making him... dunno.. deal with me being... not... not.." a gesture, indicating some imaginary others.

"Not particularly interested in being physical with him?"

She bites on her lip and nods. "And, like, he was definitely happier hanging out with girls that like stuff? That aren't messed up?"

"Okay, hang on...." Kerri gets up and fetches a Dr. Pepper and one of the mince pies, which she sets down on a small plate in front of Dagmar with a nod of permission. "Not being interested is not the same as being messed up."

She bites on her lip, gaze fixed on the pie.

"Well, I'm messed up."

"Dagmar..." Kerri's voice gets lower as she reclaims her seat and leans a bit closer. "You've had some bad experiences, and they've left their marks on you, yes. But I don't happen to think they make you a 'mess'...they make you a complex person, but not a mess."

She pokes at the pie, not eating. "Don't tell anybody, promise?"

"I promise." Kerri says somberly.

"I.. like, it.. I... like, part of me does want to do stuff? Like.. like the other girls... but it's.. when it's happening, I get... it.. I feel all torn up? And... scared.. and.. and I don't... it's wrong that I like it, and I'm scared it'll... I dunno... go wrong?"

Scowl, poke. "Guess that sounds dumb."