#rivervale_lodge

"But I'm about as dumb as the dog, because... dunno.. it feels better than being the other way."

"Then you should do it anyway" the nocker says

She shrugs. "I guess. I know it could all go away, but... dunno, might as well be where I'm at now."

"Hold onto it. Don't let anyone take it from you" the nocker says "Because it's harder to win shit back than it is to hold onto it'

She nods. "Yeah."

"sorry, rambling"

"Nah, I'm listening."

"Just..sometimes, when you can't take something back, you ennd up..begging for it. I mean, you probably wouldn't. You're strong and I don't just mean muscle" Then "I...you don't want me as a friend. I'm... I hurt people..hurt people because I was a coward"

A snort. "Not really. No - I mean, I'm strong because I'm a troll.. but.. the other way? I'm... I'm pretty messed up, in a lot of ways. Not like the others here. And... and I know, sort of, begging... " She grimaces. "Like... like when it feels like all your fault, and you wind up begging for somebody to just.. just do it, just punish you instead of acting... acting in such a way it's like... like it's your fault, and you deserve to be hurt because you are bad.... and they get you all twisted up that... that you ask for it..."

"That way, you can't complain, because you asked. Because you deserved it."

"Yeah, but that was when yu were pure mortal. I was a nocker...I... didn't ask for punishment. I sold out to get out of it" The nocker rubs at the side of her face

"Because if you did what they wanted, they'd hurt you less? Yeah."

"Yeah kind of..but what I did? It didn't just hurt me"

"But, like, it ain't... it ain't like you signed up. Ain't like sayin' no would mean others wouldn't get hurt - they'd just be hurt, and you'd be hurt more than you already were."

"you don't understand at all"

"So - what? You made weapons for them?"

"Of course you did. I mean, they stole you and enslaved you and you did what you could so you'd not - what? be hit with cold iron, or sent off to some warehouse to be raped? That's not like it's a real choice."

The girl jerks way.. "I.. yes! You see this stupid log? I could use this as a part of a catapult that could put a hole through your lodge's roof. You think giants can throw rocks? I can construct a trebuchet that could send a boulder bigger taller than your chief and lob it across the county"

"I wasn't rescued from the mine..i t's just what I told others. I .. I was rescued from the tower. The weapons in it were SO advanced... so many people working on them...but they made me help. The lady who madde that tower was a genius..! A real master..and she took it down... I should have burned in it"

"I sold out to the balor. my weapons helped... THEIR weapons and ...killed prisoners..killed rescuers. Did one of my weaposn kill that kelby girl? I don't know. I'm a murderer"

"Bullshit, you ain't."

"Did you decide to leave everything behind and go up to the Balor bein' all 'I wanna live in your tower and make weapons for you to wage war'?"

"Could you fuckin' quit and, like, go backpacking?"

"KINDA.. I... could have stayed in the mine!"

SNORT.

"What the furck do you know? you're not even sained.. you're just some stupid fledge... "

"So you could have worked in the tower, or worked in the mine, or been sold off as a whore."

"None of those sound like things you'd choose to do."

A whine from Browndog

"Shut up, dog. Shut up, troll I .." She gets up "I'm going away. You're both too stupid to talk to right now"

"S'fine. You wanna talk to a dumb-ass troll, you know where to look."

"I don't!"

And off she stomps!

She's not as good at it. Not enough weight or muscle, but she's got energy

Dagmar lets her go... though there's a very subtle nudge for Browndog to follow.

Browndog gives a canine look of 'you sure?'

A nod and a nudge. "Good boy.."

And off Browndog goes. Someone needs a dog.

It is onnly then that she realizes someone is nearby. Possibly listening. And she's not sure how she missed him.

Klump says "That one was angry"

"She is hurting."

"She was mean to you" Almost defensively on Dagmar's behalf. "you re not stupid."

She shrugs. "I don't know all she's been through, and, well - I've gone soft, being here."

"Soft is the next thing to stupid."

A tilt "The world needs limestone too."

"Maybe, sure... just... " She shrugs. "Old me would say I'm being stupid, too."

"Old you knew less. Old you could only go by her experiences. You have more experience. New you knows more."

"I'm not gonna harass her. But I ain't gonna play that it's her fault, neither. They took her and she survived. Sometimes.. dunno, you feel bad for surviving."

Klump ponders "Yes...sometimes when you are one of the few left from what was many, you wonder why"

"exactly. I mean, like, here I got out and have all this - but why Dagmar and not someone else?"