#goldfinchfreehold

Colton lays some food down, Marsellis insisted

"Oh, you didn't have to..." But looks curiously at what he brought. After all, Marsellis is pretty good.

"Not sure what this is... He says it's not French, but Basque cuisine? " He seems to read her thoughts "I had to, Marsellies wants folks to know he's as able as the Silverwolf steward or your mom to provide"

"But...nobody's saying he's not, are they?"

"No" A chuckle "I mean, we all have favorites but we tend to cheer for the home team over there"

"Well, thank him for me, okay?" She smiles, maybe a little tensely.

Then her eyes go wide. "Is that cheesecake?"

"Yup" he nods "Basque style, it's supposed to be darker like that"

"Oh, boy."

"Marsellies is dangerous."

"All yours" A smile "Unless this is something where calories from my plate don't count, then I try to eat it, you snitch" playful

"Hey, that's a proven fact. It burns more calories to snitch." She gives a firm nod.

"who am I to argue?" Fondly then curious "But you said you wanted me to visit. What are your plans?"

"Um." A regretful look at the cheesecake. "We, um...we need to talk." She gives an apologetic look as she utters the awful cliche.

He winces anyway "When girls say that, it often means they want to talk, and the guy better listen. Just saying. But sure.."

"Well...um..." She indicates that they should sit down. She chose one of the small, private studio spaces, so hopefully they won't be interrupted or overheard. "It's more like I have a question. About something you said."

"About the cheesecake?" Clearly he's still in the now, but he takes his seat

She sits down as well, and fidgets a little before starting. "So...at the arm contest...you remember when I said maybe think about which one would suit you by thinking about where you want to be in five years, right?"

He flexes his new fingers as she mentions the arm but at her talk of what they talked about his brow knits "I don't remember ..wait , hold on" A pause "oh. I THINK so?"

"Um...yeah. And...you gave me this look. And...you said I ask 'dangerous' questions." She bites her lip for a moment, brow furrowing. "What, um, what did you mean when you said that?"

"oh boy" he says "you called me over for this?"

A blink. And a frown. That appears to have been the wrong response.

His shoulders slump "I'm sorry it's just... " He straigthens them "Fine. I'll tell you. When you asked that question, I could see myself as Storm, or, Danu forbid anything happen to Chief Hewitt, or as a chief of another hold if I really wised up. I could see myself working for the Special Olympics, more like a coach and trainer. I could see a lot of things... but .. I saw US. You know, rings on the fingers or at least living together. THat.. kind of thing. I...it was a dangerous question because I know how you get squirmy when other folks act like they're seting a path for you. And I DON'T mean it that way, but you did ask"

She looks down, her brow still furrowed. "I...um...don't." She's barely audible.

A miserable look "Yeah, I know. That's why I didn't explain WHAT I saw. Because it freaks you out. I mean, freaks out by troll standards, it's not like your'e racing around like a satyr on mood pills but... " A shrug

"Yeah, no. I just..." A pause. "I just don't think about things that way. If I think about The Future, I think about me and what I'm going to do...but I don't really think about who else might be in the picture. But, you do. And...I'm thinking maybe that's not fair."

"Not..fair.. how?" he says, his voice full of caution

She takes a moment to think how to phrase it. "It's not fair that you're expecting an outcome that's not certain, and it's not fair that I'm part of a picture that I haven't necessarily chosen to be in."

"I'm not expecting it. I'm hoping for it, and I never tried to force you into it"

"No..." she agrees.

"It just begins to feel like...a long, slow, foregone conclusion." She sighs. "I love you. I just don't know if I'm going down the same road that you are."

"Neither do I, but you asked... I answered. Why does it always scare you when I express a hope that we last? It's like... you're scared I'm chaining you to a wall."

"Because...because..." She makes a frustrated gesture before the words all come tumbling out. "I don't know if I love you because I love you or because you're the guy I've been dating so long that 'I love you' just sort of happened."

"And I don't know how to figure that out in any way that doesn't hurt one or both of us."

"And that SUCKS."

"I....." He looks at her, and for a moment looks angry or at least hurt, but then he takes a breath and says "you're going to Rutgers, right?"

She blinks at him, totally taken aback. Then she stammers, "Y-yes...?"

"Okay. You got enough pressure without me holding you back, and fromw hat yo usaid you don't even know if you love me or I'm just.. comfortable . " A breath "Okay. This is probably stupid. I'm going to regret it, but I think I'll regret you resenting me more. First year of Rutgers, we are off. You date other guys, do what you want, see if you miss me because 'gee he's a good friend we should text' or if it's something real. Let's have a clean break, and at the end of the year you tell me you want to try to glue it back. Better than broken and busted in shards." He rises from his seat "I'm not dumping you, you're not dumping me. I'm freeing you from any sense of obligation to me. I want you in my life, but in no version of the future I want, is that as my hostage. So... forgive if not hoping you meet the right guy because I think I AM the right guy, but that's for you to figure out and a year might be enough for you to decide if I'm off the list."

His tone is calm, but his jaw is set, the same way it does if he's having shrapnel taken out of a wound and he doesn't want to show pain

She blinks at him and also stands. A little stunned, but after a moment she nods. "That's...I know it's not what you want, but...I think it's a good idea."

"To be clear...you're dating other girls in that time, too. Or at least, you're free to, is what I mean."

"If you say so" He says, a slow long inhal and a slow long exhale

He doesn't seem thrilled about the idea of seeing other women

She nods, looking away. "I'm sorry. But I'm also not. I needed to tell you."

He gathers his things, leaving the food "I better head back to Darkgate"

"I guess. You can stay longer, if you want, but I don't think you want to."

"Nope. I don't think I'm up to that right now. Be well, you're going to be amazing at Rutgers" He heads to the door then looks back "I was right though, back on the day I got my new arm. Your questions are dangerous. " A glum expression, and out he goes.

She frowns, brow furrowed, but her jaw is tense and determined.

For a long time she just stands there.

Then she takes a deep breath and lets it out, much as he did before. She looks around for a paper and pen, and leaves a note by the food: Food from DarkGate. Help yourself.