#earthrunes

"No you shouldn't."

"Oh I'm sorry, that was abrupt of me" She says "Adam, a school run by changeling offers you more freedom"

"Certainly more freedom than a mortal school would anyway"

"Freedom would be online, and here."

"You are STILL here, and if you want to learn exta online ,I commend you" Proudly

"You -know- what I mean, GrandDame."

"Yes. I do. What is it in the farm that's scaring you, Adam?"

"Nothing!"

She looks at him "Is it needful to raise your voice?"

He moderates his voice. "I'm not scared of anything at the farm. I hate that I got railroaded into it. They don't like me, I don't like them. I'm not learning anything there I couldn't learn here, or even back in Bergen."

"Everyone got railroaded into it, that's part of the education process"

He gives her a -look-.

"Adam, is it possible your'e scared of not being liked? Not being loved? It would explain a lot"

"I'm not scared of anything."

"Even Fiona are scared when it's a matter of love"

He scowls.

"I speak of what I know. I'm actually scared myself"

"Who's scaring you?" affronted.

"No one intentionally"

"Well, no one better." firmly, even aggressively.

"Oh Adam, you scare me sometimes. Not intentionally." She says

He blinks. "Me?"

"How?"

"Oh my worries about you vary from the silly to the serious. I worry about you driving everyone who could love you just because they don't immediately do so. I worry about you so scared of your mother and father sepaarting that you think thta means they don't love YOU anymore and it hurting you. I worry about how you worry about them period. I worry you might grow to hate changeling kind and go dauntain. I worry about you becoming undone. I worry about you making enemies. I worry that Da'an has a price for all gains and your gain is so great. Adam, Fiona are fearless save when it comes to their loved ones. But you know what? Even if you are one of the few sources of fear I have, I wouldn't trade that love for the world."

He unfolds his arms and offers to take and hold her hand, softening. "More worried about Lily than me." he admits "You know... at first, when I first started to see stuff? The Dreaming and all? It was so wonderful; everything I ever wanted. And I was ready to do anything, give anything, to be part of it. What I got back was 'You're not one of us; you aren't welcome but we have to put up with you. Cause trouble and we'll wipe your memory, take it all away." Quietly.

"Know what? I sucked it up. I did what I was told, and I did good at it. I took on patrols and I gave away the dross I earned, and I followed the rules."

"I guess it paid off; they sent me here, and I love it here. But now I'm basically back with the same crowd except this time the people that live there -really- don't like me because I'm Sidhe. Kinda. Almost." he sighs.

"And you know this to be a fact? " She says

A shrug, still holding her soft hand in his. "That's what it feels like."

"Ah, now that I cannot or will not argue against. I won't tell you your pain isn't real Adam. But I think, acting like everyone doesn't like you is a good way to make it so"

"Acting like they do like me when they really don't isn't a way to get them to like me." he points out.

"I mean... being honest."

"Well, you could be honest and still not tell a truth, you knwo this right?"

"Like a pooka. What's the point of that?"

"No. I mean like a person. If I think someone wasn't a location because I didn't see them thee and I say 'he wasn't there' but he was there, I just didn't see him. Well, I'm being honest, but it's not the truth is it? A better statement would be "I didn't see him""

He nods. "Yeah, I guess."

"Is that what you want me to do?"

"Say how you feel, instead of stating how others feel?" She ponders 'That might do well"

"How do you mean?"

"Don't say 'no one there likes me' say "I feel like no one there likes me'. one is an assumption, the other is fact"

"Ok, yeah. I see that. That's how I feel."

"I mean, except for Zane. And Alanza."

"I'm told a lot of students who try to talk to you you avoid? "

"Well.... yeah."

"I mean.... I don't want to be there, and if they're my friends I talk to them and if they aren't.... I don't want to."

'Then how do you make new friends if you don't talk to anyone else but the oens you've already made?"

"Assuming I want to make new friends there. And I don't."

"And.... and I don't want to spy on anyone, GrandDame. I'm sorry."

"Oh my I Never should have joked." She sighs "Adam, It is more like learning to be an ambassador. You don't realize how important this is. We can't cower in front of ever modernist who might not like us"

"Why would we cower? And anyway, I'm really -not- ambassador material, GrandDame. I'm more, like, warrior."