#earthrunes

August gives Coradel a -look-, then ...."I apologize for that, then, Leonora. I might have been startled, or worried, but I don't -recall- being offended. And I'm sorry I'm slow at this. So. There was the accident.... but didn't we, ah, continue seeing each other after that and before we talked about the downstairs room?"

Coradel sighs and sips her mimosa, nibbling on a bit of toast with pomegranate preserves.

Leonora says "Okay. This is what I'm talking about. August thinks it has something to do with the downstairs room. It doesn't. YOU, Coradel, think it started with the wreck. And Myself? the time I remember getting scared for you was when you went after August to rescue him from Paler when I should have been scared for him"

"So we can't even agree on when... "

A hapless look

"Which is why I think it's a good idea to talk through all this." Calmly but not with detachment.

"August.. if someone asked you a question, then ignored your answer, then asked the same question...this is a circle

"

"Perhaps...would it be better to leave all of the how-it-happened in the past, and decide on how to move forward instead?"

"We can do that. My concern is that if I don't know how we got here, might we not end up here again?"

"I think it may be a Gordian knot, August. And I would prefer to slice through it."

"That's what I thought" Leo say

"We might. And if we do, we figure it out."

"We'll probably get really good at figuring it out," Coradel adds.

August frowns but nods. "I'm in the minority... so. Let's talk about how to move forward."

"Honestly, what I know is, after the paler incident,... I sorted things out. I realized it wasn't love for Coradel, and heck, I even got scared for August too."

"So I told you guys that.. and t hought I was welcome back. Then August insited we talk about... and .. the bedlam really kicked that around into a nasty moment"

Another squeeze of her hand.

August blushes. "Part of that is my fault, Leonora, and I apologize. On Highsummer.... I should have gracefully declined, and I have no idea why I didn't. I failed you, and myself. Please forgive me for confusing the issue."

Gently, "Leonora...the fact that you feel that for both of us is so dear to me. But...you understand that...I haven't felt that fear for you?" Apologetic.

"August, I adore you" Leo says "But you want to pick things apart... and sometimes I feel that means you're just looking for a flaw in what we have, the three of us. It's like youre' trying to find a loophole to be rid of me ?"

Leo says "GOOD. " To Coradel

August stares at his plate.

"Sorry, Coradel, but I've said before I never want to come between you and August that way"

Coradel nods and smiles gently. "You won't. But neither of us want to hurt you in the process, either."

"Now if you both don't want what we had again, both, then we won't. IT is that simple . I will heal from that. Okay? And I mean both. I don't want to be someone's concession or something they have to pity or indulge the other in. Assuming we are all clear on the fact August comes first for Coradel, and Coradel comes first for August, then the question is do you two want me as your mistress? For want of better term?"

"Leonora, do you remember telling me you were seeing someone, and you thought it might be special? Like what Coradel and I have?" Quietly.

Coradel leans back a bit, listening to them speak.

"I do. I remember telling you it wasn't"

"Hm. Very well. I'm sorry about that, then."

"August. I know neither you or Coradel don't LOVE Me, not like THAT. That would be a disaster if you did. But I do appreicate trust . And I get the feeling you don't trust what I say. Given I had bedlam recently Ican see why. But I don't know how to win that trust back or when I lost it. And.. .you're your'e avoiding MY question"

"Leo...it's tricky for him. He's spent so much of his life saying what was expected of him rather than voice his desires."

August gives Coradel a faintly offended look.

"I know. And the last time I pressed him for an answer, the answer was no. If it's stil lthat, both of us need to respect it." SHe says

"Well, it's true, August."

"Yes, we need to respect it, if it's the true answer."

A sigh, and she sets down her glass to reach a hand to August as well. "My love, please tell us both what you want, truly. Not what you feel is right or noble or whatever. What do you want?"

"I -want- to understand." He closes his eyes. "This is complicated, and I don't understand, and I don't want to repeat my mistakes. I want to -grow-, to be better than I was yesterday." A deep breath.

"Asking the questions to get there seems to hurt and frustrate Leonora, and be unnecessary to Coradel. I think it is clear that both of -you- are comfortable returning to each other. I don't think I -have- to be involved in your relationship, ladies." He opens his eyes. "If I choose not to resume with Leonora, will you see each other?"

Leonora carefully schools her features

A confused look. And then she looks to Leonora. Then to both of them, she says, "Perhaps, yes. Perhaps as lovers. Certainly as friends, at the least. But August...I know you have craved her. I don't understand what fear is interfering with that craving."

"It's not fear." A pause. "I don't think it is. Caution, yes. And yes, I've missed Leonora. Very much."

A wry look. "Yes. See...neither she nor I speak 'caution' very well."

Leonora says "You're. cautious..because you can't trust me?" Not..angry, trying to sort this out

August nods. "I'm aware, and making allowances for that." he answers Coradel seriously, then turns to Leonora. "No. Perhaps we could say I don't trust myself not to repeat my mistakes if I don't understand how I made them."

"Because you didn't make mistakes, August. Not about my inittial confusion. "

"He doesn't want to hurt you. Do I have that right, August?"

"I was confused, that's not your fault. I was unconfused... that wasn't your doing either."

August nods, agreeing with Coradel and showing understanding to Leonora.

"To me, it's like by looking for a problem, you helped create one. It's like I dropped a gem for a second, picked it up, and said "whew, got it back' and you're like 'let's break it open and find the flaw'"

Gently, "You may well make mistakes again, August. Hurt happens. That's no reason to shy away from it. It happens...and then we fix it."