#debukefarmhold

"he's a troll... he is sworn to duty and honor... and so when you tied him to leave you be... he honored your wish. Because that's his duty as the man who loves you" A shake of his head "Wilders. I don't care what the kith, they always bang their heads on their high ideals"

"I did tell him to leave me alone! Everyone was plotting about me, they were talking about me..."

"He wouldn't tell me what was going on, then got mad that I didn't trust him - how could he think that? I told him my secrets, and then he... he...." she gestures, frustrated.

"Zara, I think he wanted to surprise you, pleasantly, of course. And I don't know how you said what you said, or so on. I only knew how he felt from what I heard of that, and apparently you came out with accusations of treachery and conspiracy and made him feel like he was plotting AGAINST you not FOR you... and he got frustrated and didn't understand what he had done so wrong etc etc... and then he said some boneheaded things he'd like to take back but he couldn't because you told him to leave you alone. It's the blue screen of troll brains... love, honor, duty... all clash, we get imobilized , at least when it comes to higher brain functions"

"Everyone was talking about me!"

"they were talking about the graduation... yes... and you are a part of that. They did try to hide it from you, again to ' surprise you' not hurt you. I think they made a miscall on somethings... and that's one of the reasons I'm telling you." a tilt of his head "Why do you think he was speaking to your family about it? he knew you'd want them there for the graduation ceremony. "

"Still, he should have given up on the surprise part. Never works well with sluagh. " He says "Sometimes I think he thinks he has your kith more figured out than he does and well... whoops."

She wraps her arms around her torso, shoulders curled.

The grump says "I don't know who gets blame for what if blame is to be had, I know he's miserable, you're miserable, and I care for you both. I also know I'm actually looking forward to getting to wear a professor gown and look all snazzy but it won't mean as much without you there. Zara, you and Earl have some lessons in communicating with each other coming up, but I think- years from now, if you don't go, a part of you will always regret it. And not for Earl's sake, or your family's, but you're own."

"Why couldn't he have just told me? When I asked?"

"I'm not sure. I can only guess. I would guess that because he wanted to amaze you, wanted to impress you, and thought you would like it more if you had it presented to you like a sudden gift. But that's just a guess. Add to that he's been holding back his troll nature a lot, and it may have just bubbled out this way. You're a sluagh.. you see a secret you can't reach and that makes you furious- how could he not trust you with it fully?. He's a troll, he sees the secret as under his care.. how can you not trust him with it? Neither of you understood the other, and rather than solving the situation it turned to accusations of mistrust on both sides and by the time each of you realized you were fighting over something that wasn't what either of you meant, you'd both isolated yourselves."

"I don't know if I want to go."

"May I ask why not?"

She frowns, arms still wrapped.

"Don't want... everybody.. it... don't want a shanda..."

"Well, it seems to me the bigger shanda will be if you don't show up."

"And that is something I don't think Earl intended..but there you have it"

Shoulders curl inwards as she shrinks in on herself.

Her mentor sits next to her "Sorry. "

"No matter what I do I look like a fool."

A raised brow, "I must be missing something. Are the others going there fools when they pick up their diplomas?"

"No..."

"Then what makes you stick out as a fool getting yours when they're not for doing the same thing?"

"They are not sluagh. They weren't the ones that... that missed it. Couldn't figure it out."

"Now everyone knows, aye? Every boggan has chattered about it... August, he..." A frown.

"But you did figure it out, or morei mportantly, you figured out that something was going on ... they couldn't hide it from despite their best efforts. Details missed, but you knew better" then "Also, no disrespect, but sluagh don't know as much as they think they do. It is possible to keep secrets from your kind even when they want them. Not easy, but possible. Any sluagh boasting they've never been fooled or missed anything would ,I suspect, raise a few brows among his or her peers and not be invited to high tea anytime soon"

"But when... when I knew something was happening, nobody would tell me, just... just that they were hurt I didn't trust them..."

"They were.... but you didn't intend to hurt them, and they didn't realize they were hurting you...until it was too late. Zara, Earl feels like shit. you feel like crap, and neither of you intended it. That's the only Shanda I see. That such misunderstanding now sits on what could be a wonderful moment like a monster devouring your joy. I can't tell you much, but Mr. DeVere IS a friend of mine, and I don't think he'd mock you for this. More likely a few whispered comments about trolls being difficult to manage. He's been trying with limited success for decades to put up with us. You're not alone in wanting to gnash teeth you don't have because some blue people were sure they had everything figured out"

She shrinks further.

He notices her srink "Zara...do you really think your kin would mock you as you took that diploma? From what little I know of your uncles, they'd comment on the flimsiness of the stage."

Anxious. "I don't know."

"Take a breath, feel the earth...touch the stream...and let the stress leak out slowly, breath out the tension, inhale the calm. Helps me"

"I... I need..." She frowns. "May I go?"

"you always could, but Zara? "

"While I admit I'd like you to go because giving you a diploma was what I looked forward to most, I'm proud of you even if I don't get to."

She pinks.

And he closhes his eyes and lets her go if she wishes.

She slips away, off to hide in the grotto again until her stomach unknots

(End scene)

Txt: Bzzt Zara? I'm sorry I didn't handle this right. I miss you. (From Earl)

bzzt miss you

bbzzt How can I make this right?

bzzt dunno

bzzt understand, you wanted to surprise

Bzzt I thought you had put it in my hands.. and dint' realize it was making you nervous. I... honestly, the idea is is as soon as you showed if you didn't like I'd flash you anywhere you wanted to safety

bzzt everyone was TALKING about me

bbzzt Everyone was talking about the big event. I know that feels the same but it's not meant to be

bzzt Which doesn't help you I know

bzzt They WERE, I heard them!

bzzt Well then that was bad manners on their part and I'm sorry. If I had been there for that I would have given them SUCH a brow