"It sounds like you've been through a lot, dear." Sympathetic, to Joe. "And things might be confusing now, but whatever happened back there, that's in the past. The lovely thing about baggage is that in the end, you choose what to carry with you. No matter what you may have been before, this is a chance to be someone new, if you wish. Teach us who the Joe is that you want to be. Or if it's not Joe? Find a way to let us know who you are, in your own time, in your own way. We'll wait, and it will surely be worth it." A smile from the grump.
"But for now, eat up." Rather than ASKING the boy what flavor pasty he wants, he is offered all three to choose from.