#scarsdale

"With the boys and the music and the weird friends and the mood swings?" But - relaxing, the question only half serious.

"I could get a tattoo."

THAT stops the room.

"No, Zara." Hannah manages to sound mild.

"Zara...." Aaron sounds disappointed.

"Just kidding?"

The room collectively breathes again.

"Zara...." Aaron says again. "... You -are- easy to love."

"I just... I know things.. I've made it... hard... lately..."

"Yes, well.... " Hannah looks over at her brothers, one of whom looks defensive and the other looks long-suffering. "Maybe you're not alone."

Aaron comments "Maybe we all could have been more...open. Talked more."

"...talking now?"

Hannah squeezes her. "Talking now. I understand... not details but... you're quite a leader. You were responsible for rescuing Miriam. So. We talk together. Mishpocha. Figure out what we do now."

"Lots of people helped. Ice, and Earl, and August all did..."

"And you led them there." Aaron is uncompromising.

"Ice cast the wisp. And recruited, truth."

"Why?" Aaron again. Hannah just holds her, and Ratchet and Hirim .... good grief, they've linked hands.

"He... I was... mopy."

No one seems to find this unusual, remarkable, or out of character.

"And when Uncle Hirim went looking... I... I was worried, yes."

This time it's -Ratchet- that huffs and puffs.

"Sorry..."

Hirim speaks quickly. "I know what I'm doing, nu? Experienced. Was on my way back."

"My casting... I.. I misread what I saw. I thought you were endangered."

"Ffssst." From Ratchet "Enough. Zara. What do you want?"

"I"m asking not as an uncle, or a nocker, or an elder or.... I'm just asking."

"I'm greedy. I want Mama and Papa and you and Hehe and.... her. I want her too."

"Zara." It's Hannah, so close and comforting, warm, smelling of bread and cinnamon and sweat. "You have all of us. Forever. Miriam, well.... I can't speak for her but if she .... is who ... " She struggles through layers she can't understand. "... I can't imagine a world where a mother doesn't love her child." She sums up.

A glance around the room shows total agreement.

"I do love you, Mama." a glance over. "Papa."

Aaron offers a small smile. "Princess."

"So. So we tell her when she... asks?" Another squeeze of Hannah's hand.

Hirim takes a deep breath but it is Ratchet who speaks. "We'll... Hirim and I... we'll, yes, do what needs to be done. Ride it out, get her.... stable. See what she knows. What she remembers. What she thinks."

"Question is....." gravel-voiced Hirim "... what do you want, Zara?"

She's looking down at her hand, slender fingers wrapped around Hannah's. "I want to tell her. It... it's... it's hard, knowing who she is, but not..."

They wait.

"S-Sometimes... when she doesn't remember me at all, those mornings... it's.. " bites on her lip, cheeks flushed. "Sorry."

"Sorry."

Patiently.

"It's fine."

The nockers collectively take a deep breath, stabilizing, while Aaron looks puzzled and Hannah adjusts Zara to look at her. "Zara Ester, what do you want?"

Red-faced, ashamed. "It hurts."

Hannah wraps her arms back around the thin frame, fiercely.

Eyes closed, letting out a breath she didn't realize was being held.

Hannah pats her back comfortingly.

"Sorry." Leans in, eyes closed, like a slumpy cat.

Hannah pets her.

Zara is quiet, her confession leaving her spent, happy to stay where she is.

There is a long... a very long... a glacial ice-age of quiet, tea-drinking, reading.

So - a happy quiet, allowing tension to ebb away. Zara reclaims her tea, quietly drinking.