#rivervale_lodge

Frown.

"For what?"

"I've been a shitty friend."

"No..." A face, as she strains for the ping.

"No, you've been really busy. School is important, and... you've been busy."

"I haven't bothered you, right? I stopped."

There is no ping. The truth, at least, as Symon sees it.

"I've been busy before. Busy isn't an excuse to shut everyone out. Well. Everyone, sure. But not you."

A small, uncomfortable fidget, tugging at the collar of his smartly buttoned dress shirt. "I wasn't that busy. The curriculum is pretty forgiving and I covered a lot of what is in my classes in earlier study."

"How was the intensive?" Diverting.

He watches her, not fooled, not he. "Change is... hard. It was easier to hide from it, then to face it."

She taps at her phone, checking for missed calls.

"Unseelie say it's good, though."

He doesn't quite meet her gaze at that. "You expect me to admit I missed home? The lodge. The annoying little requests, 'Connor flushed my keys down the toilet again, please can you reach in', Anne Marie's nagging, even.. Dirk."

Lovecraft skulks in the doorway, eyes slitted for any eavesdroppers.

No Lily sighting at the door way, perhaps the rafters

"You said we'd do it together." Something raw there.

A grimace, regret. She looks away.

Quietly, almost sullen. "The dumbass part was shutting out thinking about all, and also shutting out the only good things that came with me. You're not wrong. I didn't mean to... but intention doesn't mean shit, when I did."

"It's fine. You helped me pass math. I kept my scholarship."

"I'm still on the team next year."

"If you'd busted my door down and given me a shaking and hung out in the sun to shrivel, I'd have deserved it. Sluagh are good at being morose, sulky hermits. It doesn't suit you. You're better than that. And If I hadn't been selfish, I'd have seen it."

A brittle smile. "I'm fine, I'm good! I have lots on my plate."

"Don't piss on my leg and tell me it's a warm summer rain." He says, bluntly. "I know what 'fine' means."

"It means don't worry."

"That's rich, coming from a troll." He exhales a puff of wry amusement. "Of course I worry. That's what friends DO, when they're not being self-absorbed and seeing only their own issues."

"I passed all my classes, A's and B's."

"Speaking of letter grades, how about letters?"

"You know, paper, in envelopes."

At her expression, "Yeah, Sylvi told me."

An inhale through her nose.

"I told Sylvi I'll take care of it. Bound to be a kithmate or housesister or someone in California I can... " Her mouth twists, uncomfortable. "...give... May to."

"If I ended up going to college somewhere else... Harvard, or Stanford? Would you shut me out too? Or find a new troll to give me to?"

"You shoulda." She frowns. "You're smart, you could have gone there." (So could Dagmar, if Symon remembers those scholarship offers right...)

"We could have both gone." A shrug. "I let you pick something closer. Easier than admitting I didn't want to go that far."

"What about that squire of yours? Say he decides to move up north to Apples. Is that the end of the line, return to sender?"

"He probably should." Shifting her weight a bit, arms digging in.

"Are you shitting me? It would kill him. You know he'd be convinced he had done something bad and was a 'bad dog' or some bullshit."

"Just like May is probably wondering what she did to make you so mad at her that you don't reply to messages."

"Is that it? Are you punishing her for leaving? Or punishing yourself?" He asks, pointedly.

"I'm not punishing her!"

"And I just... I mean... I gave Connor an Oath, and he's too sweet to say anything, but I'm not..." She frowns.

"Not punishing yourself?" He asks, again. He doesn't do soft well, but a little quieter this time.

"I don't know how to do anything there that won't hurt him. I'd never want to hurt him."

"Why would you need to be there? Can't you be part of someone's life, and care about them? Things change. It's GOOD. But not all things HAVE to change. And a change doesn't... doesn't mean, like, sever. When COVID hit and we couldn't see any muggles for months, did that mean they were dead to us? Sure, Zoom sucks and we missed them, but that just meant that when we saw them again, we had more to do, and share."

He squirms uncomfortably.

"I'm not the one who's good at this shit. But just... think it through. The only reason why a friendship might end is if the friendship changes. Not time. Not place. Not distance. If you tried to hide from me, I'd stalk you to end end of the dreaming and back to tell you that you were being a dumbass, and I'd expect the same from you."

An exhale. "So if you do still care about someone, all you have to do is reach out. Or... be receptive, when they reach out to you. No more, no less. Don't lock the door and act like they shit on your stoop if that ain't the case."

He looks a bit guilty there. Possibly remembering a very locked and closed bedroom door at the sharehome.

"It's not..."

"You don't understand."

"Well, Dame Gwydion, be honest with her, if you won't be honest with yourself. Tell May "You left, and it hurt me, so I'm shutting you out." He points out.

"Or am I wrong? Tell me I'm wrong, and explain what I don't understand."

She winces.

His tone is even bordering on gentle. "We used to talk about anything. I miss that."

"Yeah, well..."

"I'm the one who shut that door. I know. But I didn't mean to shut you out. Just the world. Ain't I the dumbass to realize you're a part of that?"