#rivervale_lodge

"And sometimes...the ways we 'deal' are not very pretty," she admits.

"Yeah."

"It's.. it's not that I want it, exactly? But maybe I kind of do? I dunno."

A nod. "I understand that. I did not think I wanted that sort of relationship, for a long time. And then...I did." A wry grin. "I was older than you are now...though I suppose by then I had known my fae self about as long as you have known yours."

"Yeah? You chrysalized later, you said."

She nods. "I had finished my forestry degree and was working in the Pacific Northwest. I was in my mid-twenties."

"Oh, wow."

She nods.

"I mean, it turned my life upside down, and I'm still in school..."

"Hm." An amused sound. "I am not sure which upended my life more -- my chrysalis, or moving from the forests of Washington State to San Francisco. That is where the hold was that I kept in waiting for Hemlock."

"Was Hemlock here, or did he arrive after you did?"

"He arrived later. I did not know whom I was waiting for, but I knew I waited. " A sip and a chuff. "I was the first troll he had ever seen. His first words to me were, 'Please, don't eat me.'"

"Ha!"

A brief chuckle. "Yes. That was long ago." A sip. "When Almond ap Fiona was still a 'Sir' and Akanthea was but a 'Lady.'"

Ack, Flee the Dread Sovereign

"And you not a Baroness?"

"Me? No, no title at all, and no hold. Rivervale was not yet even a barony." She looks to the balefire fondly.

"So... things worked out."

The flames seem to shimmer warmly as if it has some fond memories of that early rise

"Mm." A nod. "They did. Not as I expected, but they did."

"What did you expect?"

She doesn't answer right away.

"A long life alone, but for my oathmates. Or a short one, if I was not strong enough in battle."

"That..." A little furrow.

"Oathmates are important, though."

"I think I'd like a motley."

"Yes. They are important. But even the most vital motleys will part over time, and new ones will form. It can be sad...but it is much like seasons."

She looks at the wilder. "I often think of the wilders of Rivervale as a de facto motley. You do not?"

"We.. for a while?"

"It's different now."

"Is it? Is there anger among you?"

"Not anger, no."

"If one called you for help...."

"But... change? Sometimes I feel like I'm... behind."

"Oh, I'd go to them, for sure. And they'd help me."

"If you would go to them, and they to you, then I think you have a motley. Though you may wish to ask them their thoughts."

"Well, they have a lot going on."

"And I think you may feel on better footing when school starts again, with them. You will have that shared experience to return to."

A blink. "You were just part of a transfer of power in another barony. I think many have 'a lot going on'...but that does not mean they do not have time to talk."

A curious tilt. "Why do you hesitate to ask, truly?"

Brow furrow.

"I didn't realize how unhappy they were, here."

A blink. "You mean...here at the Lodge?"

She nods.

"Mm. I think you are misreading that."

"I dunno."

"I think...and I know you will tell me if you feel I am wrong...that they have great love for this Lodge, but it is not the most nurturing place for some wilder dreams. Not all, but some. You are a dream of honor and loyalty and battle. You fit here well. Some are noisy dreams, or dreams of darkness and fear. Those dreams may not be so comfortable here all the time."

"But maybe I'm not doing a wilder thing right?"

"I.. I mean, I want adventures, too. I'm a knight..."

A nod. "You have had adventures. I believe you will have more, yet. Many more."