#rivervale_lodge

"You're angry with me."

"I'm always angry with people who hurt and belittle you" Siv replies , sounding quite reserved.

"Including me." he observes.

"Why you be spared it when you are unjust to yourself," Siv replies

"That is a point."

"By the way, the only wilder who seems to have a problem with you is Rikki" Siv informs him calmly "They think you've done a good job"

"You spoke with the Wilders of Rivervale on the matter?"

A frown, "As you requested- I did not tell them you were quiting, or that Sir Vali would be replacing you. I asked them if you had failed or harmed any of them in your duties as Mountain." A breath "However, some are very smart and they can deduce"

"True."

"So you might be upset with ME now" She shrugs

"I am not."

"Siv. May I try?" patiently, calmly.

"Well, that's good to know. Does news that you have not failed the widers mean anything to you? the census was not managed by me so there was no threat to any who would have spoken agains youtt"

"It's.... reassuring to hear their opinions."

"It's not just 'opinion' dad. I think it's safe to say each one is the foremost expert on if he or she has been failed or harmed" Siv tilts her head "Don't you?"

Frank equivocates, tilting his head. "I think there is value in different perspectives, including those from a distance."

He crosses to take a seat at the kitchen table, indicates she's welcome to join him.

She sits "Now, you were about to 'try' something annd I may have talked over you. Please go on"

He rubs his face, then sets his hands on the table and looks at her. "As I understand it, you are angry with me because I have hurt and belittled myself by believing, and stating, that I have caused harm as Mountain. Am I correct? I want to understand."

"That's a part of it" Siv states, "You are punishing youself based on what seems to be a lie. And that alarms me not just for the wrong it does you, but for the harm it will do the lodge"

"Do you think Vali will harm the Lodge as Mountain?"

"I love Uncle Vali, whether he be blood or not," She says "But no. I think you are harming it by tempting da'an by leaving under such a lie. I think truth should be the foundation of the switch, and ... while you may not accept it, you are not acting on a truth. I do not think Vali is going to sink us all. I think your self deception breaks the supports, and it will take form and punish the lodge. You're the one who taught me about D'an, about how the Dreaming reacts to concepts and ideals." A frown "I know I am no seer, and you have forgotten more about the workings of magic than I'll ever learn, but did you not teach me that what we give out ripples? You give a lie of failure and harm, it ripples... and then the ripple shakes things."

"Do you think I have not sought guidance from Da'an myself? This is not a snap decision, or a rushed judgement, Siv." he rumbles gently.

At that she tilts her head "Did.. you consult another sooth sayer too? I mean you told me sooth saying yourself was tricky"

"It is, and no I did not. I have thought about this for weeks, if not longer. Tested different ideas. Explored different paths and scenarios. I am -comfortable- doing this, Siv."

"But you consider yourself a failure" She reminds, "That does not sound comfortable to me, and, you were not comfortable enough to tell mother the whole story. Dad, you don' keep secrets from mom. She is your Alaska, you are her path. If this was such a thing as you chose to hide it from her when you first told her, how can you say you are truly comfortable with it?"

An eyebrow. "Siv, I have been saying that I have had successes. I'm not a -total- failure. I would like to think I have learned things through the years. Helped others. Provided good council where I can."

"Da," She raises an eyebrow "I am glad you do not think you are a -total- failure, but that does not change the fact you seem to think you have overall failed... or failed enough that you have quit. You have provided good council, you have learned and taught. You are a GREAT mountain. And... you don't find it susispicious that you hid it from mom? That you felt ashamed of this enouh that you didn't want to tell her? You're ending this role based on shame, and undeserved shame at that. If this was you saying 'I want more time for something else' that would be fine. But shame? Shame that is unjust? No.. I guess I just have a problem with anyone stepping downn with that as the catalyst or cause" She rubs at her forehead between the horns "I am proud of you... whether you are mountain or no. You are a good and honorable knight. A man of great kindness as well. That won't change. But ..gods of all dreaming, but shame is the wrong reason"

"I think I'll let what is between your mother and I stay between your mother and I." firmly.

"That's fair" She holds up her hands "I'm sorry, I did over step there though it concerned me"

"Siv...." gently "You have a problem with anyone stepping down out of shame. Very well. You are entitled to feel that way. It speaks strongly of your own ethics and courage. But I can't agree that everyone else should bow to you because you have a problem with their shame and their reaction to it."

A brow "And now, however gently you try to deliver it, I am wronged. I do not expect folks to bow to me father. But nor do I expect them to..." A breath "It is not MY problem when someone is lying to themselves, father. It is my concern if I love them. And I will not shirk and shrivel my duty to my loves be they famiy or otherwise. I am Fiona, and even were I not, I would say this. "

Frank nods, accepting that. "I apologize if I offended. You said you had a problem with anyone stepping down with shame as the catalyst or cause."

"I see I'll have to pick my words very carefully if I don' want folks to twist it," She sighs, then the younng woman looks at her dad "It was mostly the 'bowing' part. I will not be silenced when I see an injustice, even a self inflicted one. " A sigh "that said, it's not my choice and I know that, but ... it tarnishes Vali's entry to my mind"

"I'm not trying to twist your words, Siv; it hurts that you would suggest that. You know Vali will be a good, strong Mountain who will do his best for Rivervale and the Lodge."

"Well, we're hurting each other back and forth, and.. no, I donn't know Vali will be a good strong Mountain. I know he comes in under false circumstances, and that apparently his main qualification is that he is less prone to offend wilders..." She sips her drink "Given how he irked Piper in the past I'd not be too sure of that. I think Vali will be seen by most as a step down. Then again, most would following your career"

"Seems I can't win."

"Perhaps the only way to win is not to play the game." reflectively.

"It's not about wining, dad" She sighs and shakes her head "And it certainly doesnn't feel like a game. You must do as you feel is right. I understand that. I accept that. But I also believe you have lied to yourself in reaching the conclusion you have. I have even presented evidence I thought would show you that. The wilders respect you as Mountain and your efforts, but you do not believe me or do not care. And I am unmoved on the idea that you are deciving yourself. I fear we just.. disaggree."

Frank nods; they agree that they disagree. "Poor word choice on my part; I was quoting a movie."

"Oh.." Confused "how old is this movie? Like.. the 90s?"

"Even earlier, but it was made in color. Siv, I believe with everything I have that you have spoken to the wilders of Rivervale and that you are reporting faithfully their opinions of me. That they respect me and do not feel that I have harmed them. Thank you for that."

A nod "You're welcome, and I believe you when yo usay you've checked the omens and such to ease a good transition. You're very good at it. "

"Thank you."

"Now, I have fussed and fumed, I have gahered evidence, I have told you I believe you are wrong, and I am nnot changing my mind" A DEEP breath "That said. ... how can I help ease the transition? What ...would make it easier for you?"

"Your blessing and support."

"Both for myself, and for Vali."

"You don't make this easy" She opines

His beard moves but his eyes are a little sad. "It's not easy." he agrees.

She rises up on her tippy toes beds her dad's head down a bit so she might kiss him on the forehead, then says "My blessing to you, Da. May this change in your life be a happy one for you, a smooth one for us all, and may the freedoms it bring you delight you. May it brinng you and mother time to be even closer. And know I am always proud of you , as proud in you as much as I adore you, and my adoration is great. Da'an be kind and bountiful, may your hopes come alive" And she setles back to the flats of her feet