#rivervale_lodge

This from Sylvi.

"It's only as BAD as it is used for. My god. Everyone acts like no sluagh ever has been a criminal around here. Everyone tells me not to judge them as evil... but they seem to think the idea of having an item that COULD Hold a Slaugh who murders, ravages, or rapes would be 'bad' because clearly no sluagh in modern history ever did a bad thing. It's just as 'racist'.. it's just flipped, and it's bull. The chain is not evil. It's a tool that yes, was bult to capture sluagh..innocent or guilty, but HOW you use it, WHO you use it on and wheter they deserve iti s what makes it good or bad"

Kerri frowns. "Nadeen...it's one thing for such a tool to exist, yes...but it's another for it to exist in the hands of a house that holds a grudge against the very kith that tool works against." The tea now steeped, she pours cups for the three of them. "You have been trying really, really hard with Symon, and I know that's mostly because he's Dagmar's friend. I appreciate that."

"Doesn't matter. He took the list of others. Oh it could have been someone else.. can't judge." Roll of her eyes "And Hearth I am aware I would not be allowed to hold the chain here. I had a great sword. Was never allowed to use it ...because varich bad, sluagh good..and.." A breath

"Sorry, that's not fair to you, any of you, but it doesn't matter. I would have given it to House Varich higherups. yes. I have to provide for my father's future .You know? My dad, the chldling who I defied even as I helped rescue him ? The one I barely visit because I don't feel worth .. " A sigh

Kerri's voice is quiet, "Nadeen, I never for a moment thought that you would have used the chains here. But I couldn't possibly agree with returning them to House Varich, given the grudge. That said, though...yes, you have a complicated situation with your father. And I'm sure you feel you have to regain some sense of worth with him. I don't agree that that's true, but I believe you feel it is. And I'm sorry for that. That's a difficult burden."

Sylvi sips her tea and listens.

"Thats the thing, Hearth. i wasn't in Rivervale.. and I was still denied. It wasn't your choice, or the Chief's. Instead... it was up to Sparrow. And she looked at me , then looked at a sluagh... and I found my ranking.. far far below his. That's what my baron title means. That's what Varich is worth in this new world. I am LESS than that which I try to TOLERATE. I am navel lint" A sip "And worse. I am useless navel lint. Good for diplomacy but really, even there my ambitions end up backfiring. I was soblind to Dagmar's needs"

Sylvi frowns. "Nadeen, it's not you, and it's not even your House, really...but it's that damn blood-oath. Right? I mean...there's a lot more to Varich than that, and I bet if it had been just about anything else, any other kind of treasure or whatever, you'd have been okay to get it. But this was a chain that's really nasty, really designed against a specific kith, and your House has a vendetta against that kith? Yeah, I probably wouldn't haven't given it to you either. But it's not about you, see?"

Kerri sighs. "You see Dagmar's side of things much better now, though, I think."

"Sylvi...I recognize there are other things in this world so much more important than me, my ambitions...my father. I get that. I've known that. But forgive, how is telling me that I am an utter failure for GREATER reasons than myself supposed to cheer me?"

A sip

A blink. "But...that's not what I'm saying. I'm saying...maybe the stuff you're trying to be successful at is actually not the best stuff to try to do."

"I'm not sure telling me I don't know what I'm doing helps either" She sighs "Thank you for the tea, Hearth. And don't worry . Dagmar is safe from me now. Friendship is better for her. I can't hurt her that way .. not as easily"

Kerri gives her a serious look. "You could still hurt her very easily, if you do any harm to yourself. That's part of why I'm warning you off the vodka, for now."

Sylvi sighs. "I'm sorry, I'm not saying things right."

Nadeen considers saying something to the Hearth, then reconsiders "I just wanted to get drunk. That's all. Wanted to have .. a numbing"

then to Sylvi she looks at her "You're doing what you always do...trying to help your team. You'd make a pretty good baroness yourself.. certainly you wouldn't mope like I am. But I suppose when in troll town do as trolls do. I need to shut up and endure"

Kerri takes a deep breath, steps back, and sets about washing up.

Sylvi frowns and is quiet a moment. "Look...maybe I just don't understand Varich really well. You know I'm not big on noble houses to begin with. So...what should I know about Varich that I don't? Because really all I do know is 'Snow good, Sluagh bad.'"

She rises "I'ts not a great time for me to explain. How we're tied to the land. How we see patterns in every moment of our life... it's like walking through a world full of echoes..visual echoes...sometimes the echoes come first. How we feel a little less, just a little, but to feel enough to be aware of the loss every secondof the day. To see couples swearing love and how strong and happy it makes them... and pretend you're stronger because you can do it alone... oh allies sure. But..never to have that union. To rise to any challenge because at least it stirs you to do so. To feel every wind blowing to know every roar of flames in your land are responding to the flsuh in your cheeks, to know the rivers in your land match your pulse? Oh.. it's not quite like that anymore.. we're all so much less now, but our souls remember. And we can't give up that pride. We've lost so much.. we have to hold onto what we have. We have to rise.. or we'll drown in our own sorrow. No, you can't know" A breath "But thanks for trying"

"So..." Sylvi ventures after a moment "...feeling 'less' now about this quest is worse because it feels like part of a pattern? A bad one?"

"And the common condition at the center is me."

"Thank you for the tea, Hearth. I should probably go back to my middle class parents house. I couldn't even land in a rich body"

Kerri murmurs, "You are the common condition of all your experiences, and some of those have been victories."

Then a frown, but she says nothing else to the landing-a-body comment.

"I'll walk you," Sylvi offers.

"Thank you, Sylvi. But I know the way . You can come if you like. I am not going to try to slip to a liquore store, honest" She grabs her jacket and starts to head out

"No, I know you know the way." Sylvi glances back at her mom for a moment as she follows Nadeen out, grabbing her own jacket as well. "And I'm not trying to babysit you. Just...y'know, company. We've been teammates, remember?"

"Yes. God, that damn pyramid. Remember how Bethany nearly killed us getting the ggigles during it?" She says as they walk out side

Sylvi gives a giggle there herself. "Yeah. Y'know I really thought we were going to be awesome this year. Like, new lifts and everything."

"We would have been great" Agreed

"Hey...about that invite for SilverWolf's feast...you know them pretty well. Anything I should know to avoid...well, death?" A wry grin.

"Well, Ailil have a hard time admitting when they're wrong ... but as I've mentioned to others, Calanthe is the one who seems more prone to that. Just remember you're under someone else's roof, and that they have traditional bents . I am afraid there is a chance Dame Calanthe at least will treat you as under me. Titles and commoner bias, but I think Baron Aiden will be more gracious about it. If you like animals that's a fine subject... they're rightly proud, the whole hold is. Briar is a prickly thing, fittingly enough. "

And more advice is given as Sylvi walks her home. It seems to take Nadeen's focus off her screw ups a little at least

Sylvi definitely treats her as the expert in the subject of SilverWolf.

Well, she is well informed... and Sylvi might also realize something else. Nadeen is fond of many of them Aiden, yes, but she also seems to KNOW the commoner staff and show some affection. The Winter Queen is not as icy as she might pretend to be..

(End scene or Fadde to chatter)