#rivervale_lodge

Sniff. Nod.

"But if you think Jaymes is going to act like her? You're nuts."

"He's better than her." Faintly.

"So much better."

"Tove, too."

Hiccup.

"You're better than her, too. Just sayin'."

"I don't want things to change." Softly, full of shame and guilt and fear.

"Yeah, I get that. It's like...like a togail, but without the good parts."

"I just got them."

"You're going to still have them, Dagmar. It's just not going to be like a painting or a museum display, all frozen in a moment. I mean, it'd be nice, I guess, but it doesn't work that way. But seriously, you'll still have them. I mean...people come in and out of my home all the time, and my mom has to take care of a lot of people besides me, and I had to get used to that. Sometimes I hated it. And...some of the ways we used to be are ways we aren't anymore. But...I still have her. It's just I'm a different me, and she's a different her. And it's okay. It's going to be okay for your family, too. I know it will."

She drags the back of her hand under her nose and shrugs.

"Every time you doubt that, you're doubting Jaymes. And he's better than that."

She squeezes her eyes shut.

"So...from where I stand? You're going to have to do about the scariest thing there is to do."

"what?"

"You're going to have to decide to trust him, even when you're afraid to."

"I'm trying to."

"Yup."

"Not easy, sometimes, huh? But...well, I'm no Gwydion, but I'm pretty sure Jaymes is trustworthy."

Hiccup. Nod.

"And the Oath...that's gotta help, right?"

"I thought... I thought it was magic."

"But it just.. like, it just sets up obligations, doesn't it?"

"What do you mean?"

"We're trolls, so, I mean, we'll follow the oath. But it doesn't... I don't know...it's foolish to think... it... I know, Jaymes'll do what the oath says he has to I know that."

"But...you think he'll do it only because he has to, not because he wants to."

She nods, looking down at the dirt.

"And...that's where the scary trust stuff comes in."

"I know, he has a duty. They won't send me back."

"Tove said I can keep my room."

"I'm way luckier than I have any right to be."

A small grin. "Remember when you shared my room for a while?"

"Uh-huh."

"That hand is fucked up."

"Well...no offense, but I totally didn't want to have to do that. I mean, that's my room, y'know? But...well, we got through it, and everything was okay. Different, but okay. And I know it totally doesn't compare to having a new baby, but...just, like, try to trust that it'll be different, but an okay-different."

A grin about the hand. "It totally is." Proud.

"I know you didn't want... I... yeah."

A frown. "I'm not sure you heard what I wanted you to hear, there."

Troubled.

"I'm sorry if I... if..." Falter, shrug. "With Kerri. Sorry."

A sigh and a shrug. "It's just how things are. I didn't mean to guilt you there, just...trying to tell you I understand, kind of, even if not exactly."

"Moms are hard."

"I don't... I don't want Tove to be my mom. I want... I... " huff, frustrated.

"I want her, but I don't..."

"I don't want to share her. I understand you not wanting to share your mom."

"You don't want to share her...but you don't want her to be your mom?" Sylvi is having trouble following this part.

"I have... it..." she gestures, still frustrated. "Never had a dad. Never knew him."

"But your birth-mom is....you knew her, and she's still out there. But...I dunno, Dagmar.... I mean...think of the oaths of Fealty and Escheat. If the lord fails to take care of the vassal, then he's breaking the Escheat and the vassal doesn't owe him anything. I mean...it's kind of a rough way to look at it, but it seems to me like she broke the obligations she had to you, and you don't really owe her loyalty. But...it's not my place, it's yours."

"So I just want Tove."