#rivervale_lodge

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(Sometime after Samhain)

Hammering and love and care as missing boards are replaced on the kestrel, though really most were just dislodged.

Siv strokes the ship "Easy, baby. I got ya." Ship repair is something she learned in the dreaming, "A touch up, a patch up, and a glamour dose or two."

"Oh poor thing, you got quite a pounding, and almost an impounding..I remember that much" A frown, but she coos the ship. Kestrel doesn't need the negativity, no she doesn't.

turn the screw, get that tight, "There we go...lord it's like a gorilla broke in here"

"Pretty sure I'm still a virgin" She opines to the ship, "Haven't seen Bancroft since samhain night. I'm sorry to dump this on you, Kestrel but I'm not sure who else to talk to. I'm so damn muddled. I definitely wanted a night where I'd remember it, make it special, so I want him to respect that when when I said no, and I think I did say no. Yet, I also wanted him to TRY to change my mind? Seriously, what kind of girl is so mixed up as I? "

"Oak, fetch me that thin strip of wood, " She says "Good boy"

Oak obliges, bring it over and setting it down.

He is rewarded with a pat, "Where weree we? Me maidenhead. I think I should wait until 18 winters, but I'm not one for planning. And now that I know Bancroft wants me... at least, he did i think? What if he tires of waiting? Oh sure I know the answer, tell him to go elsehwere, but I don't want him going elsewhere. Not until I'm sure what to do with him and when to do it. Not fair of me. How am I to expect him to make the right moves when I don't know what the right moves are? Could talk to Aunt Kerri, but her advice always works so well...then I seem to forget it when I'm dancing. Maybe I should have joined the dance team? Well, I'm way ahead of the others in gymnastics. I might not be the right size but I'm kicking their asses on the balance beam. "

"At least when Desiree isn't around" A wrinkle of her nose "Touch of cold to her, not telling mum and da about that. they'd yank me so fast"

"They worry you know? " SHe sighs "THey worry about EVERYTHING. THey try so hard, but sometimes..." Hammering "sometimes I Wonder if i don't bring more misery to their lives than happiness." She bites her lip, "I don't mean to."

"Ah, listen to me, you get shot at and beat up, and here i am whining. I'm sorry. It's just, not sure if Sylvi is past the me me me show, and Dagmar maybe street smart, but she's got her own baggage to handle. Kerri's me aunt, and Tove has her hands full wrangling her dad, Dags and Jaymes. Maybe I Should call Jessica? BUt no, she';s doing IMPORTANT things. RUnning a fief, fighting evil, bringing peace. I think it's safe to say I am forever daughter number 2, but when number one sets the bar that high, no shame in it I guess"

"Just, if I wans't ever born? Would it make a difference? Mum and Dad will still have you. There's be one more room in the lodge. " She hammers then stops, "You're right. I did help with that flood. Maybe theyd 'have lived without me, but maybe not. And while she didn't deserve the rescuing, without me, no one else coudl fly you to save that hold..." A mutter about ingratitude "And that would be a loss to the dreaming. so yes, Siv Waveborn has done some good I guess. Thanks, Kestrel. You always know what I need to hear."

She pats the ship and keeps on working.

..................

Just after dawn on Samhain, Sylvi comes back out of the Lodge, wrapped in a coat and frowning.

Colton comes on out, "You are upset"

She doesn't look at him, arms holding the coat closed around her. "I...don't know. I think...we...um." A pause, and she looks at him. "Something happened. And..." She really has to work to find the words. "Somebody forced me...made me do...something."

Colton frowns, "yes someone got us all. I tried to fight it too."

She blinks. "It happened to you, too? It was...what was it?"

"Well, of course.. wait.." Colton stiffens, "You thought I made you do something?"

A guilty look. "I...didn't know." She shifts uncomfortably. "We did something, you and me...." she trails off.

Colton looks into her eyes. There's a pained exprression, "Did I try to get into your pants. Yes. I'm pretty sure I did. Would I ever force you to do anything against your will? Never. If you want I'll find a Gwydion we can trust to say it in front of. We..fooled around, but..we didn't.. you know, do it. I...thought you wanted me to. But you.." His brow knits, "I think ..shit I don't know. I'm sorry that you think I'd ever do that without you wanting to do it to."

She makes a frustrated gesture. "Colton, I don't know! I'm confused! And...we've never been unseelie together.... I just... it's all a jumble in my head."

"And your frist thought was I forced you into something? I mean.. I TRY to be reasonable, but you don't see why that wouldn't .. you know, hurt a little? "

"I know...I know...but that's all I can remember, that and...your hands...." She pauses again. "It's confusing." Another pause. "But...I was kissing you when we 'woke up' so I guess...I guess I wasn't mad at you or anything...." puzzling it out.

It's his turn to look sullen and a bit shrunken, but he nods with a sigh. His brow is knit as he tries to ...well, see things her way. and he looks at his hands.

She looks at his hands as well...then tentatively reaches to touch them. "I must have it confused, Colton. I'm sorry."

"I ...remember some things... us..going further ...but you were eager too. I thought. I think. " Now worried, "But no, someone else made us doo things against our will. All of us. Nothing.. dirty... but you hated it, most of us did." A sigh "I don't know how much I should tell you. You already hate nobles enough"

"Nobles? It was...why were we...?" Thinking. "It was at Teaneck? Or Caer Falken?"

he raises a brow, "You're smarter than I am." Not an accusation, a truth " You think I don't know if I tell you you won't knnow WHO to get mad at ? Maybe it's better you don't know?" Unsure but at the same time. "I don't want you lumping them all together. Sparrow is a good person AND a good liege."

Then "And no, it wasn't sparrow . It wasn't at Earth Runes"

She starts to protest, then stops, reflecting on the snippet of feeling. "I hated it, Colton. I hate it. That they can just do that, make you do things...make you weak...."

"that's the thing, Sylvi, They aren't a They. if they were all a llike it woudl be just House Sidhe and all of them would be kings and queens instead of various titles." He moves without thinking about it to comfort her, not to steal a feel or the like, but to hold her to comfort "What happened, you can't let it twist you. "

She frowns, but sighs, and doesn't resist his comfort. "No...I guess not. Sparrow isn't really like that, only a little sometimes. And Baron Idris...he's a kind man...." Reminding herself of lessons she's learned, in the face of an ugly experience.

"Okay. I will tell you if you want, but I want you to remember Baron Iris and others that were different. Or, if you prefer, i won't tell you and you might be happier for it."

She hesitates. "Don't tell me yet. Not today. But if I ask to know some other time? Tell me. Okay?"

A nod, "Okay." He says "And... there's something we need to talk about between us. I ...I need to know what...how far..." a sigh "This isn't like the poems at all, it seems cold and maybe even cowardly of me, but I need to know how far you want us to go. I need to know when is too far, because I never want you to be scared of me."

A helpless look. "Colton...whatever I tell you for now, it won't always be that, you know? I mean...it's going to change...."

"I know it's just... I don't want you ever thinking I would..." He frowns then, oddly laughs "Here i am, telling you not to let a sidhe get in your head and my old master is still in mine. Using a pretty troll girl is just the sort of thing HE would have done? you know? Oh, he'd call it seduction but.. if it din't work... he might try more. And the idea that I would bel ike him disgusts me." He looks at her, "I want you. You heat my blood and your scent fills my nostrils and... I am not a poet. I just, I Need, for when it happens, IF it happens, you to want it just as much. I dn't want to be my old master ever. I'd rather die."

"Oh..." She's a bit stunned. "No...Colton...you're not...." She squeezes his hands. "I...I know you're not...." It's a conscious decision to trust, despite her first connections from broken memories. "I... I like that you want me." She blushes at that. "But...maybe I'm still not ready. I want to be, but..." More blushing.

He squeezes her hands back. "But... you want it to be when it feels right. When you want it with your head your blood AND your heart?"

A wry grin, and a nod. "I think so. I mean...the blood sure wants to, sometimes. I mean, you know...." She shrugs, purpling more. "I...um...I even found a place where we could be alone...when we're ready...."

"You did?" He's surprised and pleased and.. "When not if huh?"

"Welllll...." She bites her lip, smiling. "Better to be prepared, right? And...I'm hoping it's a 'when'...."

"Me too," he kisses her "Where? or is this a surprise? for 'when'?"

"Um..." she hesitates, then quietly "Firnost has troll-sized rooms. Upstairs." As if Upstairs were mysterious uncharted territory.

"Oh.. a TROLL room... yes that would be very..comfy. "A mischievious lookk "Lots of room for cheerleader positions"

"Colton!" She laughs.