#fenixtj

"I don't know why he gets under my skin. He's always DOING things, and not fun things, like ... if he's not doing something for others he's looking for something for others to do. And he keeps using these huge words all because when he was first fostered all anyone expected from him was muscle"

"It was easier to think he was a pedantic bore when he didn't have a backstory"

"It usually is." Jessica observes.

"Honestly men are...I like them, I do. I like the way they feel and how they sometimes just... say 'Got this' with such confidence and go out and do... I like how creative they can be when trying to impress you, and how kind some of them can be when they don't think about having to be tough. But they are the most exasperating concept the Dreaming ever made."

"I think some men would say the same about women. I bet Jonas finds you just as troubling and confusing."

"mmm I suppose. You'd think we'd walk off from each other but I keep wondering how he's doing. Annoying. And he checks on me. I tell him if he's going to stalk me , at least leave flowers on a pillow." A smug look "That makes him humph and protest"

"Anyway, you have advice? I have.. HAD a relationship I thought I could handle with a man. Simple, no nonsense, purely... well, physical. And to my surprise it was enjoyable! Great even... but ... the more I had it, the more I wanted more and... suddenly sex isn't enough you know? But love... it's a whole nother thing and so hard to..." A sigh "I'm oversharing again. You're gonna get that bug eyed look mom does."

There -is- a touch of purple on her cheeks. "Siv.... not sure how to tell you this.... and I know I live in a glass house on this topic but..... you might want to face it. It sounds for all the world like you've got a thing for Jonas."

A long pause then "Well. Shit."

She sighs "I... everyone is hinting at that... you're not the first. Damn. I like sidhe.. and he's so.. trolly. 'How can I help, Chieftain' 'I don't like being idle' 'Does this serve any purpose?' GAH. He's so NOT my type" A pause "Well, if he had pointed ears maybe"

"Siv, it's pretty obvious he -is- your type."

Defensive crossing of arms.

A shrug. "Sorry, but it's true."

"Maybe' She begrudges "he's enough like Lump in some ways, but not... and he's fun to piss off... which is WEIRD of me I KNOW. I have a problem. And damn it, he is brave and kind at times. And he let me ride him." She admits.

Yeah, NOW she looks bug-eyed.

"Oh.. no no nothing like that.. he was a horse" She explains

a beat.

"I am not talking Catherine the Great slander either get your mind out of the gutter"

"Huh??" Jessica doesn't seem to get the reference. "Look, I've said I'm no expert but you might want to stop comparing Jonas to others. Just a suggestion."

"I guess Bancroft is haunting me a bit" A sigh "You're right. I'm developing an attachment to Jonas whether I want to admit it or not. I might as well admit it. I mean, I fought for him after I lost him so... boy, our kith is weird. "

"That's not weird." Jessica protests. "Seems like the right thing to do."

"Come on, Sis. How many stories of our kind about trolls guarding quietly, protecting someone, fallilng ijn love, only to see some sidhe lord woo the girl or guy they were in love with, that guy/girl none the wiser that the troll even saw him/her that way? Omar Oceanheart's whole story is based on that. We... we trolls often seem to be a touch territorial, but we skitter about the edges of admiting it. You ever hear mom and da talk about their romance?"

A faint smile. "I've asked."

"It's sweet, but it's slow, and honest to gosh... they almost missed each other because they took so long. I... I keep thinking what a wonderful thing they almost missed...and how if it happened just a bit sooner they could have had another year as true hearts."

"Timing...." A shrug. "Dad wasn't ready, I think."

"I suppose. " She says "Love the most important thing. to me. Even over honor. I suppose mom would sigh if she heard but I think she knows." a smile "Weirdly, Dad understands."

Jessica shakes her head; she does -not- understand. "Well."

A look, "You are so much like mom. " A pause "AND Dad too. But mostly mom."

"Thank you." Gravely.

"You're welcome," it is a compliment and meant as such "Me? I don't know... sometime I don't see it. Dagmar's far more like mom than I am. And da? Oh I don't know... now and then I get a hint of what I share with them. But I have to dig for it. But here I am rambling about myself and ducking the issue. Yes. I'm sweet on Jonas. Might as well face it." A sigh "Okay. Is this chatter as one sided as I think it is or do you want some input from your talented little sister about YOUR life?" a touch of humor

"Siv, my own situation here is so screwed up... it really doesn't bear thinking about."

"Sis, you do this... you bundle it all up. We are physically strong, our will is iron, but no one, not even a troll , is a rock or an island by themselves. You needed that visit from mom. I don't know what happened between you two , NOT mine to know until you say it is, but I think it did you good. Or at the least sure did you no harm. Besides, the man I'm interested in... I lost his ass in a joust and had to fight on a swinging rope bridge to get him free again. Screwed up seems to be the King's Girl way of romance." Wryly "Hit me with it. I may value love first, but I DO have honor .I won't tell anyone if you ask me not to. You're my sister... mind you, for a long time you were this legend I'd only heard of. Joy to mee tyou but I thought you'd be taller"

A small puff of amusement.

"Soooo" she continues "Screwed up how?"

A shrug. "Not proud of the way I treat Duff."

"I suppose, but we all need... contact now and then, a sense of being with another and yet sheltered from the world. " Siv says "You still don't feel about him the way he feels about you, but you wish you did. But you can't make yourself into something you're not. That about right?"

"Yep."

"I think mom would suggest you take a quest together... for love... then see if you walk back hand in hand, or in the hands of others... or alone, but wiser." She says "But time is..well you're so damned busy"

Jessica looks shocked by the idea. "Um. Yes. I am. And... no, a quest... no."

"Why the shocked look?"

"Just... quest with Duff? No, I mean... it never occurred to me."

"Why not? Sis, I know you're a practical girl, but we are creatures of dreams and dreams aren't always practical, sometimes we need GRAND solutions... we don't mope, we pine. We don't rile, we rage. We don't do payback, we wreck justice upon the offender. We tilt at windmills and salute the crowd and somehow, we are rewarded for this. You do grand things for others all the time, but you're not used to doing grand things for yourself. That's ..noble, but ultimately a denial of part of your right as a daughter of the Dreaming. You should consider, if things settle down, doing this. Go with him, your goal to find love for you both."

"Thanks, Siv, but... no." Troubled.

"okay. May I ask why not? "

"It's.... I mean.... that's a big step."

"Sis, you're..scared of...commitment?" Realization "Wow. I.. I'm not mocking. I just ... you're so commited in all other things."

"Exactly! I have enough on my plate, I can't just... take off, and ... and anyway, how could I make time for something full-time now, anyway?"

"But I didn't say now. I said when things settled down. Could be a month, could be months... but iwth a Duke hands on, it could actually be easier than you think. Make the little man work for a living" She says "POint is, you just jumped away from this like you lifted a toilet lid and found a cobra in it. Sis, if you didn't have this County, or Fenix, would you still be scared of a romantic commitment?"

"Just answer it true to yourself. I'm betting..yes? You'd still be...apprehensive"

Siv is not teasing or even smiling. Indeed, she seems the pragmatist right now in her stance and behavior- and that's just odd.