#bergen_county

Symon stirs, and he reaches out, finding and clasping one of Dagmar's much larger hands in one of his own. "Did I pass out?" A groggy whisper.

"Yup."

"Your head feeling better? I didn't mean to hurt you. Mine feels... weird, not gonna lie."

"I feel like a horse kicked me in the chest." Symon croaks, not actually having any concept of what this feels like.

A vaguely guilty noise in her throat.

"Maybe we should get you to the lodge? I don't... " She grimaces, and repeats herself again. "I didn't mean to hurt you."

"You didn't." He insists, and, with a bit of an effort, sits up. He realizes he has been half sprawled across Dagmar, and he purple-greys a little. "Or if you did, it's okay. You would never actually hurt me. If I got hurt, well - maybe I needed to. I didn't... I wasn't... I was in too deep to know what was going on, I think." His brow wrinkling a little.

She rubs the back of her neck.

"It... we... Sylvi and me? We figured the treasure was kinda making you... I mean, at first, I thought it was just, y'know, you found someone better, that you liked..."

"I mean, we weren't sure it was a treasure, or what was happening, not at first, and I just... it wasn't fair of me to be jealous, I didn't want to... you deserve to be happy, and..."

"I...." He pauses, then continues. "I thought that me... wanting what you didn't want... making things all weird between us... was killing our friendship. So I... I thought, if I could just stop feeling that, then we'd be good again. Just like things used to be, before things changed..."

A sigh, closing her eyes. "Change is scary."

A huff. "I'm supposed to be the scary thing."

"Yeah, well. I was scared about you, too."

"I really fucked things up, didn't I?"

"I'm not... I'm not real good, when I get scared. When I think I'm going to lose people." She frowns, and shakes her head. "You didn't."

"I... because I was scared, I didn't... I didn't help. Not when I should have. Not when I first got worried."

A sigh. And he twists in that way that gymnasts and yogis would admire, looking up at her from an impossible angle. "Where are we, now? I don't want to leave things... hanging, nebulous, and risk losing the chance to figure this out."

"I don't know why it was so hard to just talk about it... feelings are stupid." He quickly adjusts, "Not OUR feelings, I just mean, HAVING feelings - no, I mean, dealing..." he stammers.

"Feelings suck, yes." She swallows. "I figured, I mean, I screwed up and didn't have a right to tell you what to do, or get in the way of you having a relationship since I couldn't sort out my own head."

"And I still... explaining how I feel is hard. I still want to oath. I... I've wanted that pretty badly, actually."

"And it's okay if you don't! Oaths are big deals, and.. and... trolls can be weird about them? I know that."

"If it means... putting in words how I feel, in a way that can't be confused, or forgotten, or mixed up? A reminder, every day, in this life, and next, and every life, what we mean to each other? Then.. yeah, I want that too."

She bobs her head.

A hand goes to her chest, rubbing at her sternum. "You can feel them, y'know. Like.. standing on steady ground, when everything else is uncertain. My first oath in this life that I chose was letting Jaymes be my dad. And it's... he already was, before, but it.. it feels different, after."

"When you originally mentioned this, I worried... if we swore an oath of friendship, like clasped hands? Would that then bind us into those roles, and nothing more? I was afraid of that..."

"Clasped Hands isn't just friendship, though. It's not."

"I mean.... it says friendship, right in the scrolls."

"It's saying that you're half my soul." She closes her eyes, reciting. "My life is in your hands, my blood is in your veins."

His eyes close as well, as he looks for the words. "Blood for blood, bone for bone, life for life, until none walk the earth save we alone..."

She nods again, touching her forehead to the crown of Symon's hair.

"Something, something... friendship." He says, trying to remember the lines.

"That's th'word you don't like."

"Because it ain't big enough, yeah?"

"Mm - Devotion I swear, maybe?"

"Eternal devotion."

"Right. Like... of course we're friends, but like... Dirk is my friend." He mulls over the words. A glance up at her, uncertain. "I don't want you to be stuck with me if it turns out I do suck after all."

Snort. "I could never be stuck with you."

"Plus, you would be stuck with me too. Ha. Look at our messed up self-esteems, together!"

He leans back, letting his head rest against her shoulder. "Can you see... what I had with Cairrean - though it was a lie... that's what I want with you, that same shape... I... I want to take you to dinner, even if just to see you enjoy the food. I want to help you through the things that suck, and be by your side through the good shit... I want stay by your side... like, someday when you have a big-ass home and 20 foster kids? I want to be there with you, even if that means just hiding from the noise and helping with homework. I want to hold your hand, and let people know that we belong to each other. Is that... could you see that, for us?"

A rumble in her chest at the mention of Cairrean.

"And I want you to have someone as devoted to you. You deserve that, it has to be two ways. I want to always be there for you. I want you to know you can count on me, always."

"I mean, I am devoted.. I.. shit."

"You're my person." She says, helplessly.

"And you're mine." He responds, offering a hand to her.

She hesitates, and then takes his hand. Instead of just clasping, though, she moves to tangle her fingers in with his. She holds her breath, uncertain if... that's right? That it's allowed?

His fingers meet hers, and intertwine. His hand is cool and clammy, but in her grasp, it does warm up a bit, like if she held a frog for a while. It's not entirely unpleasant, perhaps.

A little smile as he allows it.

"...what does that make us?" He asks, with a little trepidation. "I don't give a damn what anyone else thinks, or calls us... but I need to know where we stand, what we are to each other... I don't want to fall into another trap of misunderstanding that pulls us apart. I don't ever want that to happen again."

"I..." She falters.

"Soulmates?"