#bergen_county

She looks over. "And if I had not? If he had won the bout?"

"He wouldn't have won."

"Not against you."

Dagmar has picked up a set of currycombs, and is working Star's coat.

Star enjoys

A brow. "It happens. I have lost bouts. And he is good. He beat Olgar," she reminds.

"You're better than Olgar."

"Usually," she nods. "But bad rolls fights happen." A frown. "He may yet twist it to his favor. A troll besting a sidhe is not unexpected."

"He might tell himself what he needs to make himself feel better."

"Hm." She nods.

"But everyone saw how good you were. And you won the tourney."

She fits Stormwake's bridle. "I have not always won it. The years I have not are hard. But that is...the season."

"Samhain's hard on you, yeah."

An uncomfortable clearing of throat.

"Yes."

"I know, being a Gwydion, the house frowns on our Unseelie side. I don't... don't exactly... " She pauses, trying to phrase it.

Listening.

"My unseelie half isn't nice, maybe. But it's tough."

A nod. "There is value in yours."

"That part fights and survives and..." She frowns. "Maybe.. I don't... I don't know the answer, but..."

"Maybe it's good that others remind you of your value?"

"That... that you get a time when all that... all of those feelings, bottled up, can come out?"

"They're not fun, or good feelings, and maybe... maybe not true, exactly, but they feel true...."

A frown as she polishes a dull spot on the saddle's leather.

"Perhaps."

"And, like, when they're inside, you are carrying them and they get heavy and you can't... dunno, can't voice them. Because folks want to rush and paper them over so you're fixed."

Another long pause.

"Perhaps," she repeats. "But...I am glad I do not remember the worst of it."

A pause, considering.

"I'm glad, too. I don't like you having to go through that, because, like... you don't deserve it. Nobody does - well, maybe those who do deserve it are the kind who ain't never feel any kind of guilt or shame."

A closed-off expression. "We have our unseelie natures for a reason. I do not know what the Dreaming knows that gives me this." Pause. "I do not wish to know. Perhaps that is weakness. Perhaps I should try to find out that part of my story. But I do not wish to look, to see it."

She bites on her lip, and nods.

"Sorry." Softly.

"Hm." She shakes her head. "It is what it is."

"Right."

A pause as she checks Stormwake's mane.

"Thank you."

"You're welcome?" Uncertain.

Stormwake's mane is looking good

"Your words," she clarifies briefly. "Thank you."

A shy smile, warming past the melancholy.

"Okay."

A nod. She quietly tidies up the grooming tools.

Star is going to be VERY shiny. Comb comb comb.

Other jousters begin to come in to check on and prepare their steeds. The joust will be called soon.

((Pause))