#bergen_county

"And sometimes.. it's Jonas or pIper's damn fault... but that'so kay, we're ll part human. We forgive each other and learn and move on. IF that's required. It isn't always. You need to stop beating yourself up wiht what might be wrong, what might be going wrong, and first learn how things really are. Then sort out what YOU want from it, what SHE wants from it." A sigh "Love can be hard, but the rewards are legendary"

"I think she wants... I.. I think, like..." A frown and she shakes her head. Curry-combing takes focus.

"It's okay. You don't have to talk to me. this isn't about me. But I think you should find someone you trust to talk to. And yes, I think you should talk to her. It's clear she's as scared of talking to you as you are of her, but she's also wanting too"

She shakes her head.

"Pretty sure she is wanting to" Siv says at the head shake

"If I break up with her, then I won't have her as a friend. She'll hate me."

Siv says "is that what you think?"

"Yeah. Of course."

"And I can't..." She frowns. "She's a Baroness, she needs a freehold. I want her to have that."

"First of all ,you don't know she'd hate you. She'd be hurt, but it's not the same thing. Not everyone is Adam Thomas"

"Then again ,even Adam doesn't hate you. He just assumes everyone hates him and then he feels free to go on his merry way"

Grunt.

"Secondly , it's great Nadeen wants things. And you'rea good friend to want her to be happy. But what do YOU want in a relationship? "

Shrug.

"I dunno. I don't... like.. like, I mean... I know Chief and Frank are really happy, and Kerri and Olgar, and Dad and Tove..."

"And sometimes they fight, all of them, or have problems. But none of them asked the other to give up THEIR dreams for them."

"Well, Nadeen's not asking that."

"Depends on what your dreams are" Siv says

She shrugs.

"Dunno. Like... I'm not like you or Sylvi."

"That's okay. Sylvi's not like me and I'm not like her and you're not like either of us. Look ,you don't owe me a damn thing besides , of course, remembering the difference between a boat and a ship" A wink, then she goes on "But you owe yourself to think about what you would like in a relationship, honeestly and so on, and not pretend otherwise. Trying to give up who you are for someone else doesn't just cheat you, it cheats who you're with. Now I'm a romantic. I want it to work out between you and Nadeen, but you two are not some TV show I get to watch. You're flesh and blood, heart and soul, so is she. Love requires compromise, but it should never require deception and there's such a thing as living a lie in the name of it. " She finishes with Stormwake

A look at her "And I'm not saying you ARE Living a lie. But I do think that's why talking to her is crucial."

"Gwydion don't lie."

"As a rule, no, and you're the most honorable wilder I know sides Jonas. But sometimes we lie to herselves and because we believe it , it feels true."

"Lying would be pretending things can stay."

"What I want, I can't have. Stuff's already changed."

"Mmm" A concerned look "What do you want, Dagmar Hammerstrike?"

"I want to stay here. I want my friends here, and I want my family here."

"Change just means losing something. Never had this much to lose, before."

"God, I know that feeling" True

"Wanting something else isn't good, either. Like.. like... if I wanted to be Storm, someday, like.. that's like wanting... " She frowns. "Wanting stuff I don't want."

"And if Nadeen wound up at Silver Wolf, at least it'd be close by? I don't... I don't know how that works out for Connor, though. And I took an Oath to take care of him."

"you know, Mom MIGHT retire rather than die" She points out "or focus on being just chief"

Then "Silverwolf?"

"Baron Aiden's hold."

"...Connor's father."

"I know who I ijust.. why would Nadeen wind up there?"

"Political marriage. So she can have a freehold."

"Oh holy shit" Siv says "no wonder you're stressing out. Ah.. damn. Dagmar. Look, Fiona do some fancy marriages.."

"But ... we can be open with them. I'm sure Nadeen is thinking much the same with you. But.. did she ask if YOU were okay with that?"

Jaw jut, briefly. "I know how things work with the fae. Like, everyone... everyone is with everyone and it's okay."

"That's not how it works for all, or even most.. I'd say half and half..."

"And you didn't answer my question. Did she ask if you were okay?"

"Withat set up"

Shrug.

"It's the same thing as last time, yeah?"

"I'm not... enough."

"Oh honey" Siv hugs her "You are wonderful .. and I think Nadeen doesn't realize the hurt she's done you"

"She needs a freehold, though. She can't just stay here. And... I mean... his people seem happy... " Brow furrow.

"He's good to his animals."