#bergen_county

Tove laughs and holds up a hand

A gentle toss!

And catch "Thank you. I'll be upstairs wrangling a diaper. Unless one of you wants to..." A look at both between tiny bites

"OH No, " Lupe says "No thank you"

"I swear, I will watch CJ for a few hours later?"

"It's okay, honey, I got this" She smiles "Good to see you, Lupe" And Tove heads up the stairs

Can of pop for Lupe, and OJ for Sam. "It's nice out, wanna hang on the porch?"

"yeah, sure..." She says. She seems a bit nervous, and even muffiny goodness isn't enough

She snags a plum from the hanging basket as she heads outside.

They hit the porch and each cops a squat on the bench there... Sam looming over her more diminutive friend as they now sit side by side. "So.. " Lupe says after a while, "Things look good at home"

"Your home, I mean" She says

"Yeah, things are nice." She pushes against the railing with her foot, set the swing in motion.

The two swing. And... For a moment there's silence. Lupe looks, tense

Sip.

Lupe might not see the blue today, but Sam does stoic as well as Dagmar.

Lupe takes a breath "At the party? A lot of it's a blur but..." A pause "Did.. did you kiss me?" Maybe she remembers wrong. Maybe it WAS a dream

The blush is probably ALL the answer Lupe needs as blood rises in Sam's cheeks. "Oh.. ah.."

"Um."

"Yeah..." Lupe looks at her blush, then puts her eyes forward and sips her drink, nope, make that a full swallow, then says "So that happened"

She bites on her thumbnail, worrying the cuticle.

"I... listen, I... I'm sorry, I know you're not... I..."

"I didn't think it through."

"Look, it was a party, I just... You know? it was a party? And.. it was fun, and wild and... " For some reason her vocabulary isn't kicking in "And fun. It's just.. you never told me you felt that way... I mean, maybe you don't because I was just the nearest other girl? I ...think Tanya.. no not.. well , she was glowing, she was nearby? I THINK, but maybe I was closer? So ..any girl would ... I don't know"

Blush.

"I'm sorry. If you're.. I... are you mad?"

She mulls that over, and not for the first time- "I.. more confused, and maybe a bit scared."

She looks stricken.

"How can I make it better? I'm sorry, I wasn't thinking, I just... the music, and.. I... you're so... I..."

She looks down at her knees, shoulders curling. "Last thing I'd ever want is to make you scared."

"Just.. don't ..." A sigh "I mean don't..." A breath "What scares me most is us losing our friendship. I don't Want that. "

"Neither do I!"

A nod "Good good"

Relief fills her

"I don't think I'm into girls. ANY girl. I'm sorry. I'm not a homophobe.. " PLEASE don't let me be a homophobe

She scuffs her toe. Nod.

"I know. I mean, I figured you... I mean, I know you like guys..."

"I'm happy for you and Tanya.. and if you're Lesbian or Bi or whatever, it's cool. IT is. " Rambling a bit "And it was a nice kiss, but it's not.. it's not who I.. I didn't know you felt THAT way about me and now it feels weird"

She grows a brighter red, still keeping her gaze locked down.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to screw things up. I didn't think it through."

"I just feel guilty that I'm NOT. You know? I feel like I .. Like I SHOULD be, but I'm not so I don't and ..." A sigh "And so I hurt you feelings. I shot you down and I feel like a bitch"

"I had sorta hoped maybe you'd forget."

"I know better. I know you aren't.."

"It's like the one thing I really remember.. a pool and.. you kissing me.. the rest is.. more surreal?"

"The mists are funny, yeah. They hit us, too, you know."

"Actually I don't know, nto well, but you did mention once you could 'forget yourself?' do I remember that right?"

She nods. "Yeah..."

"If we... run out, I guess, of what makes us run. It's why hospitals are bad, or school can be tough..."

"Yeah, well, I hear you there. Sometimes I get this rage built up? And I just want to bite the fuck out of some jerkwad racist"

a sigh then "so.. are we still.. I mean, are we cool? Still friends and things?"

"Can we be? Please?"