#ooc

hi shady, hope you're feeling better?

zoom

sometimes I really despise myself

I was invited to my friend's birthday dinner. It's in Painesville, about 80 minutes north

I spent all day not accomplishing anything, because there was a Thing To Do

I did not go to the store, I hadn't yet found a good birthday present, and then I tried to find a present from Stuff In The House

And it's cold and dreary and almost dark and it's a long drive to a place I've never been

so I just lied and said I don't feel well and bowed out

I hate that I "always" do that

It isn't like I am going to enjoy my night at home, either

And my tummy IS in knots, but that might just be the anxiety, idk

I even avoided here, because I was hung up on Thing To Do and didn't wanna get caught up

and now nobody is here, either

@catnik I'm sorry to have missed you. Wish I had better words.

i hate when I get like this

work has been really stressful, and I know that if I was there, I would be having a good time

but the drive and the "bad" present have me in knots

It winds you tight and even when it unwinds you feel wrung out

yeah

Maybe later in the week, try to find a place to take your friend you'd both enjoy for a meal, preferably in daylight hours? Say it's a late birthday gift?

friend lives in cleveland

Ah.

so it's always 90 minutes one way to visit

Well, your friend may or may not quite get it, but I am also sure they don't resent you or anything so immature on their part.

As for beating yourself up, well, I could say 'don't' but that would be hypocrisy on my part. Fortunately I'm good with that, don't beat yourself up. hugs Your friends like you even when you're feeling knotted up.

well, this whole day was a waste

Maybe something good will happen in the evening. I

I can game you anyone you'd like, IF you wish, but understand if you're not in the mood for that

You may prefer a movie of your choice, Ramona by your side, and some comfort food

mmph

idk if that will help

this feels like my brain is set on wallowing on the couch

It maybe, and I won't judge ya if it is.

work has been really bad

They still expecting you to do more with less money, less time, and less support?

amongst other things, yes

morale is very bad

So it's not just you feeling down about it, or feeling the pressure.

yeah

I am probably in a depressive episode again

thing is, I am a high-functioning depressive

I tend to "fail" in areas where I'm the one who pays for it, if that makes sense

I think I get it. nods You know you've got some open ears here if nothing else

i know

and I know I have been kinda absent

I have been kind of struggling for a while

I had wondered but did not wish to press.

It might amused you I shared the picture of that 'fae lives here' with a god niece. Her response was 'That house is goals!' 🙂

So you brought a little sunshine in the world even when overcast yourself