#ooc

Um...not literal bleeding eyeballs right now, right?

Inside bleeding

UGH.

going to a specialist on monday to get fancy machine to take pictures

so, thing is, I don't have a diabetes DX

BUT

looking at full picture of my life... I strongly see how I might?

So I am freaking out on two fronts: Fuck, I don't want to go blind and Fuck, I don't want diabetes.

At the same time - diabetes is one of the more controllable things with retinopathy?

Hugs It's a good reason to worry. Let's hope that it proves out to be better than you fear

Big weight loss (which I attributed to depression/mental health after Dad died), thirst/peeing - which I attributed to the spironolactone for my cyst thing, fatigue which.. I mean, that's just life?

But mostly, fuck, I am terrified of going blind.

It sounds to me you're taking what steps you can to learn what your state really is. You have a right to be terrified, but you seem to be thinking and preparing as best you can as well. It's admirable

Hugs That terror is completely understandable.

If it is diabetes-related, yes, you'll have to make some lifestyle changes, but I think you'll find those more manageable than you might expect once you start them.

At least, I'm hoping so.

I REALLY hope there's another answer, though.

yeah, well

i don't think my head is in a really good place right now

Again, completely understandable.

I wish you could get answers faster.

well

retina specialist tomorrow

working to get in to see a doc to get bloodwork

can't do much until monday

Oh, I get it, you're getting answers fast...but I want you to have them NOW, darn it.

yeah

everything I do and everything I am I need my eyes

You need a doc to get bloodwork? If you have orders for what kind of bloodwork you need, around here most urgent cares have facilities attached that can do blood draws, etc.

i don't know?

for insurance, i think I need an order?

Right, but...well, which doc told you that you need bloodwork? Couldn't that doc give you the order?

Nobody did

optometrist told me I have signs of retinopathy, and what looks like diabetic retinopathy

but "you don't have a diabetes diagnosis"

I have been referred to a retina specialist for a better look at my eyes

using special machines? idk

but

I don't have a PCP. I go to the doctor when I am dying, usually urgent care

looking at things, diabetes is a very real possibility

but how to go about finding out if I have it, right?

So I need to see a doctor

and I suspect I will also need to have blood sugar/A1C other shit checked

Not having a doctor makes it very hard to SEE a doctor

I spent hours on friday trying to get an appointment

Yeah. The system is not friendly 😞

several offices were like "call back on Monday"

which, fine

but my eye appointment is also monday morning and I don't know what to expect with it

or if I will be able to make a bunch of phone calls after on shiny laptop screens and shiny phone screens?