Three Knights are sitting around a table. "My squire," begins the first with bluster, "is the bravest... ****ING squire in the whole of the realm!!" "Cannae be true," replies the second, "as MY squire is the bravest in this bloody realm!" The third shakes his head ruefully, with a half-drunk smile and says "Aye, yer both wrong - my squire would be the boldest." Such drunk talk cannot be settled without action. In no short order have the three knights decided to settle this proper way.
"SQUIRE! Come here!" bellows the first Knight. Immediately his squire appears in a could of dust, panting heavily. "Yes, my lord?" The knight grins knowingly to his fellows. "In a town not too far yonder, a mighty giant has been terrorizing the populace. Take my blade & shield, don my armor well and buckle on my tabard - show that fiend that such atrocity will not be tolerated! Bring me back its head!" Without batting an eyelash, the squire snaps to attention, salutes and runs off - the last they see of him for six hours is his back as he rides off.
Surely enough, he returns with the Giants' head in a bag. "Sir!" he cries as he comes in - battered, bloodied and heavily wounded. "Twas most terrible, m'lord! The beast was mighty!" he points, exhausted to the head of the creature. "Twas three times my size! It leveled half the town, i' did! But with strength and perseverance, I won the day." The knight grins broadly, and claps the young man on the shoulder. "Well done, son! Well done indeed! What say you?"
The second knight lights his pipe and blows a fragrant cloud of smoke. "SQUIRE! COME HERE!" like lightning the squire appears before his lord. "Yes, m'lord?" "Some two leagues over lies a village near an old cave. They say a dragon has done taken up residence there. Take ye my lance and kite, don my tabard and armor and buckle on my sword. Go forth and slay the monster, and bring me back its head!"
In an instant, the squire is gone, wearing his lords gear and astride his horse to make for the lair of the great lizard. It isn't four hours later when he returns, with a makeshift harness dragging the head, and only his pride holding him up in the saddle. Battered & bloodied, he dismounts, nearly collapsing. "M'lord, the battle was long and fierce. The beast was cunning, possessed of magic and raw force beyond any magnitude ye can ken! Horrible flashing flames spewed forth from its mouth! Nearly a whole village was destroyed in the melee. At the last moment, I threw forth my lance as tho' a javelin, and pierced its black heart!" "Well done, son!" cried the knight. Both knights now looked upon their compatriot, each of their squires having accomplished truly prodigious feats of bravery.
"What say you?"
The third Knight looked in the bottom of his tankard.
"Squire!" he shouted!
"WHAT?!" came the immediate reply!
"Get me a beer!"
There was not a moment's hesitation.
"GET IT YOUR DAMN SELF!"