#kc_necropolis

"I asked you directly if you were La Cernicala. You didn't answer; you evaded. So I lied to myself even if I knew, really, that you -were- involved. I didn't want to believe you'd do something so hurtful and stupid. If I were to make an educated guess, I'd say that you were trying to protect me and give me deniability. It didn't work. Your -intent- is meaningless; your actions have impact.

"If you were really interested in helping the Fae and mortals of Renaissance you would have included me in your plans. I could have taken action far sooner. What you wanted was adventure and fun, and dressing up, and helping Renaissance was a cover story for that.

"You know perfectly well protocols are in place at Carnivales across Concordia to protect the Right to Life. Otherwise Carnivale would be The Purge, not a festival. You were in no real danger, not any more than I was. Any claim otherwise is pure drama.

"You came to Renaissance after I told you not to because -you- felt like you had something to say, not because I wanted you there. You came on a night you could be pretty sure I couldn't do anything about it. A deliberate choice so you could do what you wanted, regardless about what I wanted.

"I had duties and responsibilities that night. I had things I had to do that I, personally, am not good at and don't particularly enjoy. Additionally, I was trying to repair damage -you- and -your- friends... because believe me, I do not see them as -my- friends anymore.... inflicted on me and the people and place I'm supposed to be serving.

"Your grandstanding made my job even harder than it was, harder than it had to be. I think I managed to pull it off. Time will tell. Your -actions- have made my life more difficult politically and socially. That is a fact.

"I want to be crystal clear, Siv. I'm not here to argue or change your mind. I came here to answer your questions out of respect for our shared family.

A brow lift, "To your credit, you're actually talking like I asked. Thank you for that., 50% of what you just said is bullshit or flat out insult but at least you're talking." She holds up a finger, "One: You didn't ask, you interrogated. I told you how you could talk to me and where if you really wanted to. You instead went silent mode for a month. So don't talk to ME about Evasion when that's your go to way of living rather than let folks get close to you. It's hypocritical of you given how often you clam up. The impact ,. we disagree on but I will concede it made things harder on than we intended when it came to pure politics, even if it helped your people. Two, I'm always interested in helping the fae and mortals of the world, and I have fun and adventure doing it when and if I can. This is not a binary extreme, one can mix duty with a touch of fun. In fact, it is the Fiona preference. I AM fiona." A third finger comes up as she continues...

"Three, the mortal king did not know these protocals, and you have redcaps who at that time did not have to honor your title, only his: and you'd be surprised how much pain you can live through. You've very naive if you think there are not folks in your land who would find a work around if it suited them. That said, you are right it would have likely cursed whoever tried, but it is the manner of greeting, and the fact you would risk me. It did not scare me, but yes, I too was hurt that you were so cavalier about it. If you wanted to repay all debts, while I never intended to hurt you" her face softens "You hurt me too more than once that night." A breath "FOUR, I kept tabs on the fall out in other areas... and La Cernicala was needed! She stirred the common folk in the best way. Got you to be aware of some problems, maybe not as fast as you like, but she made things better, and you can ask any commoners in your area if she didn't. " A frown "And at least one of the three was a friend who cares for you. If you want to blame me for pulling her along on what you see as merely 'fun' so be it, but she never betrayed you. She felt like she wasn't doing enough, wanted to do more. Reminds me of you actually. I ask you forgive her if you know who she is. For your own sake as well as hers. Cutting off such a fine woman will only hurt your holdings and maybe you too. And I want to be clear, I came as a sister who loves you, that same friend of yours said it was causing you distress, we were putting it to rest.. And that was the plan. But I am scared for you. Scared for the values I've feared you've lost. Jesus, Jessica, do you really think 'Rigger' goes to tell every noble he's in the lands of 'i'm about to go rescue someone, may I please?'"

"I don't think he does it at all. I also don't think he's needs to be part of this conversation."

"Oh but he does." She states flatly, "out of 'respect for our shared family'. You are so much like dad I admit to sometimes get envious but, for reasons of Da'an alone, I spent more time with him. Dad drives into various areas, and if he sees a wrong, he rights it. He does not go to the local nobles and beg their indulgence. Or ask if it will cause some bitchy Varich lord to get his knickers in a twist. Now neither does he bound around on rooftops, I confess to Fiona flaymboyance there. But what I learned about right and wrong, I learned in large part from him. I HONOR what he taught me, in my own imperfect way. Now I hurt you, and that's the first I heard of it... and THAT..." A frown "That troubles me, and is the only thing I regret, but La Cernicala was never about you. She wasn't even about me, or I'd have kept her to myself. She was about a sense of hope, hope like you give to others, but because of your duty, you are locked in place. I wasn't. The ONLY thing about this that involved you was that you were another part of inspiration for the three of us" A pause "No, that's not fair, we hoped to help you as well, indirectly but only as a side benefit. If we saved five dreamers from being stolen, six rapists, 10 muggings, and killed seven score nightmare chimera and MORE... then I consider it a success Tidemarch be hanged. No, Dad is very much a part of this. We're both know the weight of his and mom's example. " A sigh "We just.. learned different lessons and views. I'm not saying I'm better than you. Hell, you always make me feel like a damned mistake. But I am saying ...."

A breath "I am saying we are different, and we have different ways. We're going to disagree. I know that. And I will consider muich of what you said, but sometimes I think your'e not good at getting your feelings on a matter out. Miscommunication, and yes, my pride got in the way of it too, really screwed us up. Neither reallizes how she seems to the other. It's a damned tragedy... I'm sorry I'm not the sister you feel you deserve"

"Siv, I have never even for one millisecond had even the vaguest flicker of thought or consideration that I might deserve a sister at all, much less what kind of sister I might deserve, or if you are, or are not, that kind of sister. It has literally never occurred to me until you suggested it just now, and it sound completely ridiculous.

"Did you have any other questions for me?"

"Well, It maybe ridiculous, but from my side, the Flamefree casts a long ass shadow, and that shadow has weight. I had to learn to be myself instead of you, or mom, or dad,- or I'd be miserable. And you've always acted like I was some weird annoyance so it came across as if you thought you would like to return me and reorder" She answers, then blinks at the more questions "Yeah. What was with the... chest beating about 'I am Flame free' up above that night? That... confused and worried me" She admits. "I understand a good boast, but the timing on a night where you were the least of them was...odd. You have nothing to prove. Those people love you"

"La Cernicala is unnecessary. People can come to me, and I will do better about actively listening and require the Freeholders to do the same. Renaissance doesn't need a vigilant. All the Fae there have a voice. And they have FlameFree."

"You Do fine, you can't actively listen if they won't actively talk.. and you're trying to give every changeling a voice but these folks were traumatized by a Balor bitch tyrant. Of course some of them, particularly the ones who she abused, are going to be anxiety ridden messes who can't bring themselves to believe it's REALLY safe to make waves. I honestly think if I did things as myself, it wouldn't have taken off like it did. You said it yourself, 'We are La Cernicala'. That's why she caught on. She wore a mask, every person in your lands realized it could be someone they knew, someone standing up. They could pretend it would be them. Albeit a golden haired satyress but there you go. They can have both: La Cernicala in the shadows, and Flamefree lighting the way. Again with the binary stuff It.." A stunned look "Sis, are you.. jealous of La Cernicala?"

Jess looks incredulous. "No." with finality.

"And no, they can't have both. I can't work that way."

"Well, and I mean this honestly, I think you're stuck with her." She holds up a hand "Hear me out. Yes, I am considering still being La Cernicala because the way you acted that night, it made me afraid for you but more because she's a force for good and I should do right. And I still believe.. no, I KNOW I did more good than harm as her. But Piper has a theory, and I think she could be right If I vanished from there, burned the outfit, I don't think La Cernicala would be over. Did you SEE how many people latched onto her dream ? How many fae she inspired? She might have started a hydra here, cut down one and two rise up in her place. so to speak" A look "If I drop this. Someone else will take up the mask. Your speech could be interpreted that way, encouraging more of her, not less. I think it's actually safer if Keep the role going"

Jess nods. "A calculated risk." then she shrugs "I'll deal with that as it comes; I'm not borrowing trouble, I have plenty of it on my own."

"I love you like a sister, because you are one: but communication is not your forte. " She says "Someone else will take control of the narrative if you're not very careful. I'm going to keep doing what's right when I see wrong about me, and I'm not going to check with you every time. I love you, but I won't give up what what Da instilled in me for you. Now, whether I do it as La Cernicala or myself, that's still being contemplated. " A frown "I say this isn't about you, but I admit, I think me staying La Cernicala would protect you more. Then I can direct the narrative better, and keep say some sneaky Leanhaun from putting some lackey in the outfit"

Jessica shakes her head. "I can't work with both FlameFree and La Cernicala in Renaissance, Siv. I can't, and I won't."

"That's what i love about you sis, you can face any monster but compromise" Dryly "So what, if I say 'screw it'? hang up the mask, and someone else picks it up, you'll quit your Crown and head off? Tidemarch might love that"

"I don't know. But I know it wouldn't be -us- facing off over it."

"Sis, I think the stress of trying to be all things to all people is getting to you. The fact you're willing to stop a source of good for politics sakes alarms me. I know you mean to replace it, make it so it's possible through official channels, very commendable, but the fact you seem to want people to go through you for doing what's right or they shouldn't take action at all strikes me as... well, a bit chilled, and against changeling nature. No, against changeling need. Maybe it's a case of me seeing each tree so I don't see the forest while you don't see the individual trees anymore because you're too busy worrying about the forests. But I feel you are at great risk of confusing protecting people with controlling them. And my sister is no tyrant"

A frown and admission "I don't want to fight you either, but I have to tell you, an Ultimatium to a Fiona, a challenge like you laid down that night, that's kind of like insulting a Gwydion's honor. You have no idea how much a bad approach that was. "

"You're right, I probably don't."

"Learn" She answers flatly "You're too high placed not to learn what makes each House Tick as best you can . You've held court more, but mostly on your terms. I've been in various courts. You have to know the basics or they'll eat you alive."

She nods. "Fair point. I'm already working on that."

A rub of her horns "Thank you." A consideration "Why, besides one prissy Varich, do you think La Cernicala and you can't exist at the same place? "

An exhale. "First, please lighten up about Tidemarch, at least around me. Second....." she organizes her thoughts "The name is pretty damning; your identity was obvious from the get-go. I'm still angry for the reasons I previously stated. The character is a loose canon; Renaissance needs unity and teamwork, not a vigilante running around doing whatever without coordination. I don't need the distraction, the extra work. There might be more, but that's the obvious."

"Not obvious to me " she states "Gotta be careful about assuming we understand each other. That's on both of us I suppose. " Mmm "I'll consider being nicer to Tidemarch but as he's the biggest advocate for my arrest I'm a touch cranky with him tis true. I think you make more work for yourself about this than really need be. But, I'm not in on the paperwork part, so I'll accept it does make at least some work for you. Still don't think that's enough reason to stop... but you being being angry, and hurt. Well, that might be." troubled there "You too, are a tree in the forest. "Amusement "As for team work, if you know how hard we worked on patrols, tactics, spying.... do you have spies yet?"

"I'm sure I do, just none I know of working for me and I don't want any."

She facepalms "You're killing me"

"I don't need you to be nicer to Tidemarch. I'd be perfectly happy if you didn't -anything- to Tidemarch. Just stop denigrating him around me."

"Tweak gets to call him Tidepool," She points out "Drives him nuts. "

Then a sigh "But okay okay. I'll try to not cast insults about him around you"

Mmm "If I stop with the La Cernicala, will you forgive a certain friend ? I know you can't just change your feelings... not that you show them enough to tell if you did, but she's a good woman, and she did it for you , just later she learned it wasn't seen by you the way she hoped it would be"

"Heck, she's the one who put her foot down to stop us"

"I'm not bargaining like that."

"It's an insult to everyone involved."

"Reeaaally? Because you've been insulting her yourself for a year or so, though I doubt you meant to. " A brow, more Kerri than Brekke there "And you're asking me to quell a dream, an idea, because you feel you can't control it. That feels banal to me, a risk to my soul. What part of 'repay all debts' prevents me from asking for a bit of kindness for a good woman in return?"

"I have accepted her apology."

"Mmm, I think you owe her one in return myself. Wickedly underutilized and she feels underappreciated" She says "But glad to hear you and she at least talked about it. Do you have a question for me? One that isn't 'are you going to stop being La Cernicala?' because I'm still mulling that over. Unless you've been blabbing, no one there besides you and me ,and maybe constance, is not going to know the significance enough of Kestrel enough to tie it to anyone"

"No. No questions."

"I'm not going to ask what you'll do if I keep being La Cernicala, because at this stage, the more risky it gets for me, the more intriguing it is. Let's not cross wires THAT badly. I am going to ask, does me being La Cernicala really hurt your feelings? Not your politics, not your city, we both disagree on that. I mean does it hurt you you, does it cause you emotional pain? Because that's something I can't debate. I can't argue. What you feel is what you feel. And yes, you could lie about it, but I'm trusting you to be honest and honorable in your answer."

Her tone isn't demanding, but neither is it pleading. It does show concern.

"Yes. This whole thing hurts."

"Shit" she bites her lip "Okay. I'll phase her out in the next week in a way that will convince folks the original culprit is gone." A look "But I'm still not going to go rushing to you asking "Countess may I" every time I see a wrong that needs righted. I'm a grown woman and a knight errant. I can fight my own fights and rescue folks then and there. That's not a bargain, or a deal. That's just how it has to be for me to live with myself. I'll do it as Lady Captain Siv when and if I do it all"

"A once-off isn't a coordinated campaign, Siv. And, there are plenty of places in Concordia that need your services. Pretty sure you'll be busy."

"Okay, you need to speak plainer than that, because I have no idea what the term '"A once-off isn't a coordinated campaign' means in this context. "

Jess blinks, but then explains "If you see something wrong and corrected it, without involving others in an effort over time to seek out those wrongs, coordinate supplies including weapons, disguises, food, water, and money to combat those wrongs, and actively seek to disguise yourself to avoid recognition while correcting the wrongs.... that is a once-off.
"Involving others over time while coordinating supplies and actively disguising yourself .... is a campaign."

"Ah, this is your way of giving me permission to do what I'd do anyway as long as I don't plan it out. " A soft shake of her head "WHatever helps us sleep at night I suppose. " A look over "Did you ever love me as a sister?"

"I tried." she says honestly "It was a shock, as you know. I see a lot to admire and like about you. But you make it difficult, sometimes."

"Maybe I wouldn't be so angry if I -didn't- care about you."