#earthrunes

Her mother is going to want a response, DESERVES a response.

And so she writes At this rate, maybe I should go serve House Aesin. At least I'm learning one of the languages argh.. how do you spell... Sort trhough..cheat a little

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While she doesn't root around, Siv isn't above moving through the books quickly to make sure she's using the right words to translate into Norwegian.

The library is a good place for this. Though she does flick the lights on a bit bright when she THINKS she's alone.

Hissss

"oh!" She dims it

"Thank you."

"Zara? I know it's not Velvet she's out today I.. didn't know you were back"

A smile as she repeats that "hey, you're back"

"For now, aye. Vassar closed."

"Will you be staying awhile then?"

"Until Passover. I will be going home for that..."

"I know it's selfish, but I'm glad" She says with relief

"Oh?"

A cup of tea appears by Siv, quietly steaming.

"I.. yes. I don't have many friends here, even after all this time" She admits

"I understand, truth."

"Thanks. It's not that anyone is mean, far from it, they're warm, they're welcoming, but they'd be welcoming to anyone and everyone , and that's not friendship, it's just...extroversion? Am I being a hypocrite here?" A sip

"No. There is a difference between a friend, and a friendly acquaintance."

"The former is much more rare and precious."

"Aye, just so," Siv says "When I first came here, I thought I'd be going back a lot ... for duties, true, but I also would meet my friends .Now? I feel like..well, I can't go back willy nilly, though I did just learn my mother didn't mean it to be an exile... how could it whe nit was my idea to be here? I just...as soon as i thought I HAD to stay here? I got really tense. What was grand became," She searches for the right word "Choking."

"Oh, I loathe to be caged... the trod is swift enough, you should visit, aye."

"Well, apparently I should. Mom didn't mean it the way I read it. In fact, I think I've gotten everything wrong. I don't know..ah, I'm sorry, Zara. I'm using your ear and without so much as a by your leave or a how have you been. How have you been? Your family well?"

"I do not mind listening."

"Well, true, but manners makeith man, women are suppose to have it as girls. So I hope you and yours are doing okay?"

"Aye, as well as can be expected."

A nod "Aye. Hard times. There. I thought of someone else and it idn't kill me." SHe says "Ah, that's not true. I think of others a lot, I just worry too much WHAT they think of me. THe baroness is right about that. Since you offered to listen, might I ask your advice as well?"

Zara nods.

And Siv shares what her mother said, their interactions by letter. No doubt her mother would be horrified that she was sharing this, but Siv doesn't want to botch it, "So it turns out I've been a complete fool. And yet, not so many days ago, the Baroness goaded me... and I lost my temper... I kicked her right in the chest in a duel and...Zara? Why am I casting my parents as villains?"

"Well... I think you may fear failure, nu?"

"Letting them down, letting the Fiona down..."

"See you not how everyone wishes you to succeed?"

"I guess i don't. I mean, the baroness welcomes my progress but she seems very frustrated. And mom and dad never much cared for Fiona"

Eyeroll.

"How does any of that contradict?"

"Well. I you know.. seems like I've become a nuisance to the baroness that she feels obliged to endure, and my folks are ...well.. placating? I..." Sheepish "Am I being troll headed somehow again?"

A wry look.

"SHoot. So... not only is my mother and father , and the Baroness NOT thinking I'm a screw up per se, or unworthy, they've been my biggest supporters."

"And I've been on guard against them like they were .. I don't know, out to get me as soon as I really face planted." A huff "How do i make it up to them?"

A shrug. "By not causing a shanda. By doing your best."

"Do not go falling over yourself with recrimination, aye?"

"So, the best thing I can do is ... not try to make up for it, but move forward, be me, or the best me anyway? Seems a bit selfish"

"Selfish would be putting your need for validation above your work."

"it would, wouldn't it?" SHe says realizing "Oh that's it enitrely. I'm trying to be the perfect daughter, the perfect student, the perfect girlfriend, everything but the best me. No wonder nothing feels like it's working. I'm looking for excuses to fail, like you said I'm afraid of it ,so I want to blame others... whe n Ishould just own up put my big girl britches on do what i came to do. Honor isn't always about self sacrifice, sometimes it's about being true to yourself. And.. oh, Zara, thank you. I haven't really had anyone to talk to like I can talk to a friend" She sips "yeah. Ican do this. I'm gonna go places, kick ass in my lessons, seduce my boyfriend into another three way and stop trying to balance out what I thinnk others want and using that as an excuse to stay trapped."

"Of course you can do this." A huff.

"I wiil" nod "Thanks Zara. Let me know if I can help you out somehow. Just just because 'repay all debts' but because, well, you know, friends"

"Well, when I act a fool, tell me."

"Not so sure I'll be good at that but I'll try" A pause "I think you said I've been acting a fool. I have mind you, but .. I think you just said it flat out"

Eyebrow. "Did I?"