#debukefarmhold

"So apparently I'm a grade A bitch" Gerd says.

Kourtny DeBuke has not gone Goth, and at times she is not sure she understands the new Gerd, But she has listened.

"Because there was a misunderstanding... and someone is in a bad place, and you ended up going from ready to drop her into a lake... all the way to trying to give her a pep talk?" Kourtney insquires

"Yeah, but I still resent it" Gerd explains.

"So... you gave her a talk about just because she has selfish or bad feelings , that doesn't make her bad." Kourney says.

"Yeah, I said that" gerd says annoyed her friend wasn't listening.

"And then you come here, and tell me you're a bitch because... you have bad and selfish feelings... inside." Kourtney raises a brow.

"Yeah I..." Gerd makes a face.

"I don't know how to tell you this, Gerd, but your Bitch-fu is weak." Kourtney says with a slight smile.

Gerd elbows her friend, "FINE."

"Look...you miss stepped on one of her buttons. Then she stomped all over yours. You say you told the Chief how you won't run from ogres anymore.... Does Dagmar realize what you've gone through? How you've been bullied off all your life? Well, HUNTED really?"

"No... I must solemnly swear I never ever think she would try to bully folks" Wrly then a sigh "She'd just take it as an attack. I'd get her saying 'so you're saying I'm the bully?' I can't win even when I'm trying to offer the olive branch. Last night was so one sided."

"And that annoys your sense of fairplay," Kourtney says "You did a little wrong. You apologize for your part, and she gives you... nothiing on her side. But we both know that's not why you apologize."

"I know" Gerd sighs. "it shouldn't be. I just worry about Connor, and now I'm going to dance around Dagmar on eggshells until the baby is born. I didn't think it would be a problem."

Kourtney looks at Gerd, "Wow. I mean, I know Connor is your adopted brother kind of sort of... but you really don't get it."

"What? why?" Gerd says affronted "Get what? It's a baby, they're going to be a bajillion years apart.. not like they'll have common interests."

"look, I am.." A pause by Kourtney"Was the baby sister. But I got more cousins than anyone bothers counting..... and I can tell you, older siblings are not always excited about someone coming in, taking all their parents time and attention. Kelby used to complain all the time that she woudl fight so hard for later curfew, and being allowed to go out further... and our folks would say 'no not yet' but then as soon as they finally said yes... and saw she didn't die or anything... I got to do it almost instantly after.. and sometimes they want to do things, but no, the little kid has to go to this or that and because they're little needs more help. Dagmar just got her folks, and now what? She's the older sister ? I think they have it easy mostly, but I've had to babysit for cousins. I can tell you it's not always fun to be told 'hey, you, you were your own person now you're a babysitter and when we come back to check on the baby you can go away again'"

Gerd blinks "But Connor's great!"

"You chose Connor. Dagmar had what she thought was a great set up, and then suddenly finds out her life is upended because her parents can't use the pill" Kourtney says "I've seen this sort of thing before. Everything she knew, counted on, is upended."

Gerd bites her lip, "When Uncle Vali went to a new home I stayed.. gave him space with Tiffany.. I didn't bitch about the change."

"And that's because he's your Uncle, not your dad. " Kourtney says "Even though he's been acting like one for years while still respecting their memories. He even does the jokes."

"he's always joked" Gerd frowns, not liking this new data.

"Look," Kourtney says "I'm your friend.. and if you want me to say 'that bitch' a lot about Dagmar, I can and will. But it sounds like you just couldn't figure her out.. and didn't really grasp why she's so upset. She's not mad at you specifically, or she wasn't. She's angry that she's going to have less...."

"Less? She's keeping her room" Gerd says "Remember? the shed?""

Kourtney sighs "Less everything that matters. Attention, love... "

"That's stupid. Tove's so full of love she's cloying" Gerd says.

"Hey, I LIKE Tove, she's feminine without being a snot about it." Kourtney says

"Okay fine," Gerd says "But you get my point?"

"The baby isn't here yet. And she's got a life time of fostering and shit haunting her, Gerd."

"Well, we all have trauma" Gerd says.

"Yeah, but you don't want to talk about yours to her, but you KNOW hers. It's in your court, Gerd. It may not be your fault, but it is there. Either try to build a rapport, or just deal with the fact that you don't understand some of her problems but that doesn't make it less real, painful, or scary. I mean, what would your therapist say?"

Gerd frowns "Okay. Yeah I guess she'd say what your'e saying. I... guess I got used to tough confident hero Dagmar and... " A sigh "And we're back to me being a bitch again."

"Bitch is as Bitch does. Not as Bitch feels." Kourtney says.

Gerd smiles, "I'll pay you a nickle if you say "Life is like a box of chocolates' in a twangy accent."

A proud lofty look from the DeBuke "no." Then "Sides, YOU are the one with a southern accent."

Gerd covers her mouth then mumbles "I've been working to get rid of it."

"Y'all sure have" Kourtney grins.

"argh" Gerd says.

"Feel better?" Kourtney asks.

"Little bit, and maybe more aware. Thanks, Kourtney." A pause "I should come here more often."

"Yes, yes you should." Kourtney says.

And the two watch the birds in the sky above.

.....................